Sonic The Hedgehog Genesis
Game by Sega
Reviewed by Philip Wesley
Save: battery
Released: 2006
Works with: Game Boy Advance/SP/Micro Nintendo DS/DS Lite
ESRB Rated: E
Quick Opinion: Burn it with fire.

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Opening Snide Remarks: I like Sonic the Hedgehog, or rather, I like 2D
Sonic the Hedgehog games. Sonic is a likable enough character and his games
used to be highly regarded. The problem is that Sonic, like Crash Bandicoot,
has a sketchy history of games and ports. I can tell you, before we even
get into the review, that this is one of the worst Sonic games on a portable
system. I own the iPod Touch Sonic port, and the Game.Com Sonic Jam game.

The iPod Touch one suffers from the worst possible controls, and the Sonic
Jam title has little to no music, graphics, sound effects, or levels.

Both of those titles are better than Sonic The Hedgehog Genesis. Why go on
with the review? Well, I think it should be a fun experience.

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Gameplay Description: Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis is a specialized port of
Sonic The Hedgehog 1 on the Genesis. Hence the name, Sonic the Hedgehog
Genesis. This port was designed to celebrate the 15th Anniversary of Sonic
the Hedgehog. Now, to be fair, let me describe the way that the gameplay on
Sonic the Hedgehog is supposed to be.

Sonic the Hedgehog came out as a response to Super Mario Bros. 4: Super
Mario World. You see, the lead on the Sonic project -Yuji Naka- felt that
the Mario games were getting too complex. Mario had a ton of new moves and
power ups in both Super Mario Bros. 3 and Super Mario World. Also, Sega was
in need of a character that would appeal to American gamers. While Mario
was polite and had Japanese sensibilities, Sonic would need to be the
exact opposite of Mario. In Super Mario World, Mario uses two jump buttons,
a mount, and a ton of other powers. Yuji Naka decided that Sonic would use
only ONE button. Sonic would go fast, while Mario games required the player
to sometimes go slow. Mario had branching paths, an overworld, super powers,
hidden levels, puzzle levels, and animal friends. Sonic would not use any
of those things. Sonic would be about getting from point A in a level to
point B in a level as quickly as possible. Instead of coins, Sonic would
collect rings that helped keep him alive. Mario could not drown, so Sonic
could drown. Mario is mostly red, Sonic would be bright blue.

Sonic was a "Yankee" character who could serve as a marketable mascot for
Sega. The previous attempts at a Sega Mascot were Alex Kidd who just did
not appeal to Americans. While Altered Beast was a popular title, the gore
in the title did little to endear the Sega Genesis to the parents who would
be purchasing the Genesis for their children. Sonic was perfect for the task
he was created for.

Sonic the Hedgehog has the Blue Blur racing through an expansive level with
traps, spikes, loops, and enemies. Along the way, Sonic must pick up rings,
a shield, invincibility, or speed shoes to survive. On occasion, Sonic
will need to push blocks out of the way, or bash through walls. If you
collect 50 or more rings by the time you reach the end sign, a giant ring
will take you to a revolving Bonus Zone. In the Bonus Zone, you have a
chance to find a Chaos Emerald. Collect all seven Chaos Emeralds and you
can make Sonic invincible after 50 rings in a level. You also earn the
"best" ending scene after the credits roll. Sonic goes through several
zones and each zone has three levels. The third level ends in a boss fight
with Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik. The plot of the first game revolves around
stopping Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik from enslaving Sonic's animal friends
inside of nefarious machines. Robotnik is all about taking over the world
with his robots. Robotnik also destroys the environment -which is supposed
to be Earth in this game- and this makes Sonic very annoyed.

The gameplay is all about fast timing, speed, and simplicity. Sounds pretty
fun right? It usually is rather fun, but there is a bit of a problem with
this title.

Sonic the Hedgehog Genesis is a "port" of the original game that uses
none of the original code as a basis. The code in the game is based off of
the code found in the Sega Saturn Sonic Jam. So, there is an original mode
for Sonic the Hedgehog and an "Anniversary" mode that allows Sonic to use
the Spin Dash move in the game by holding DOWN and rapidly pressing either
A or B to rev up speed. The game also features the ability to choose a
starting level from levels you already completed as the level select code
is not there. The gameplay in the game should be fun, exciting, and true
to the original game. I have played several ports of the first Sonic game
and this one has glaring problems that hurt the gameplay. We will get into
those next.

Liked: Well, the first Sonic game was pretty good...

Hated: ...but not here. This is a terrible chore to play through. The
problems that it has make each level frustrating, and it feels like an
absolute insult to the fans of the Sonic games. This would be like
someone baking you a delicious looking chocolate cake off of your
favorite chocolate cake recipe. But instead of chocolate, they used horse
and pig manure. Then they decorated it with frosting and served it to you
on your birthday with a big smile. Then Yuki Naka shows up to cut that cake
and feed it to you. After shoving that disgusting first piece into your
mouth, Yuji Naka says: "If you do not swallow, I will personally kill your
family and destroy everything you love. Then I will chop off your fingers
one by one." So, you swallow it down and grimace. Yuji Naka smiles at you
and then kills your family, destroys everything you love, kicks your dog
off a bridge, and then chops off your legs instead of your fingers. That
way, you still have hands to play his games. After he does this, he leans
over to whisper into your ears: "I will never make a good sequel to Nights
or a proper ending game for Shen Mue."

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Graphics Description: To account for the difference in resolution, Sonic the
Hedgehog Genesis features zoomed in game graphics with redrawn sprites. This
looks pretty cool until you actually move. The game is littered with sprites
that pop up or disappear from view really quickly. The zoomed in perspective
makes it very difficult to anticipate enemies, spikes, or platforms that may
just appear or disappear out of nowhere. The game also has a rubber band
effect due to drastic slow down. When you grab the Speed Shoes, the game
starts to grind to a ridiculously slow pace, sometimes Sonic jumps frames
and appears to randomly speed up just in time to land you smack into a spike
that was not on the screen a moment ago. When you get hit and rings fly out
of you, the game screeches to a slow, grinding speed. When there are moving
spikes or more than three enemies, the game does this as well. The Bonus
Rounds are so badly broken by the slowdown that is nearly impossible to play
them. Hitting the DOWN circles in a bonus round causes it to speed up and
the UP circles cause the graphics to clip or become discolored. Some levels,
you can see earlier cycles of Sonic animation following your character.

The game sometimes refuses to properly register hits on a boss character
while slowly cycling through the hit animation. So, you find yourself
hitting a boss 12 to 18 times before they actually go down; instead of the
8 times that is required. Sometimes, Sonic gets hit or hits something that
is not even visible or should not be able to touch him. There are parts of
the game where Sonic's "hurry up" animation will cause the game to slow
down.

Liked: The graphics are pretty nice looking...

Hated: ...until you start moving. Then everything goes to Hell in a Hell
endorsed hand basket. The slow down is like a punishment from The Divine
Comedy. Instead of Muhammad's fate in Dante's Hell -Walking around with his
entrails hanging out- this is a game with massive slow down. Sonic moves
at a snail pace with random bursts of speed when it should be smooth speed
all the way through. The graphics look good when standing still but start
to glitch up as you move. So, you have a pretty game about speed that goes
slow and has horrible graphics glitches. This would be like the other
level of Hell devoted to Love Plus players. In that part of Hell, all the
games 2D girls are "real" and they always reject and insult the otaku that
love them. There is another level of Hell devoted to Farmville players. In
that level of Hell, all of your crops are forever at 99%.

Tangent aside, the horrible slow down and graphics glitches make this game
very tedious to play.

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Sound/Music Description: How do you mess up a Sonic game? You ruin the music
and this game does a good job of ruining the music. The old music from the
Genesis game is here, but with many missing instruments and notes. The Game
Boy Advance can do the Sonic music from the Genesis game as those tracks
were included as extra sound test bonuses in the previous Sonic Advance
titles. Since this is a port and not a straight emulation, a bit more effort
could have gone into making the game sound accurate, at least. The sound
effects are not even accurate. When Sonic jumps, it sounds completely
different than his Genesis jump. The ring sounds are pretty close, but still
feel wrong. There is an option to turn off the sound effects and the music.
This does nothing to help the slow down or graphics problems. There is also
an option, on the device you are playing it in, to turn the entire game OFF.
That may be your best bet.

Liked: Nothing at all. Why even try to port the music over if you are not
going to make any effort whatsoever to get it right?

Hated: The music is awful, badly ported, and inaccurate.

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Play Control/Game Design: The buttons do what they are supposed to, so I
suppose that the Play Control is just fine. However, this game feels like a
horrible cash grab that was slapped together in a few days and never play
tested or run through Quality Assurance. It feels like an insult to all the
fans of the original Sonic the Hedgehog. This is what happens when you take
a great title and then ruin everything that made it great.

Liked: The buttons work.

Hated: This game software is so poorly designed that it tarnishes the
original game. This is like Woody Allen and McG getting together to remake
Casablanca with a new script written by Uwe Boll and Manoj Nelliyattu
Shyamalan. This new script will have the main hero played by Woody Allen
throwing quips about the holocaust out while wooing a heroine played by
Rosie O'Donnel. The big twist at the end is that Woody Allen's character
was secretly a plant monster who is allergic to water and that the heroine
is a cowboy vampire. The first half of the movie is an establishing shot of
Woody Allen urinating on an American flag that is draped over the back of a
moving pick up truck that is driving aimlessly on a road in the middle of a
desert. The first half of the movie is six hours long and the soundtrack is
done by Randy Newman singing a happy song describing the events on the
screen. Upon seeing it, Alejandro Jodorowsky will shoot himself in the head
and Roger Ebert will declare it the greatest film of all time. The general
public will rush out to see it, because it will be in 3D. Afterwards, every
thing will be ruined FOREVER and Shub-Niggurath will reclaim the Earth by
becoming the next pope.

Actually, that sounds like a better idea than playing this horrible game.

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Improve: Make a proper port of Sonic the Hedgehog.

RIYL: Eating a Salvador Dali special every morning for breakfast and washing
it down with boiling acetone.

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Final Words: I own this title because I have to suffer through these games
for you, my readers. Yes, I do this for all three of you. All I ask is that
you build shrines to me and name your first born after me. I have also done
this without cursing.

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Score
Gameplay: 0
Graphics: *
Sound/Music: 0
Play Control/Game Design: *
Value: *

Star Total: 3%

Personal Opinion Merit: 2%

Final Score: 5%

Letter Grade: F

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