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Oddish Uncut 2! (These are complete 2000 - 2001 articles + Misc. No links work, sorry.) Headlines for February 14th, 2000. Oddish Love. I was told to update. Big deal. So I did. A tiny update. So there. -ODD-   Love song was stupid. "I was driving down the road and this song started playing on the radio. It was apparently about Love or something." Stated a 30-something year old man who was randomly interviewed by our reporter. "I think it was by those Backalley Boys or something on that line. I just know it contained the word: 'BABY' over and over again, sometimes combined with 'I miss you' and 'I want you'. I thought it was stupid." He then reported that he changed the station to another challenge. Which was apparently playing a song by a "Hair Metal" band. -ODD-   Valentine's Day card depresses young lady. In a sad turn of events, a young lady in Michigan came across an old Valentine's Card in her sock drawer. "It was from my former boyfriend and it was, like, sweet and stuff." She remembered him in glowing memories as she held the $3 Hallmark card in her hands. "I loved him and then I caught him kissing that stupid tramp in my Third Period Math class. Oh, I hate her.. I loved him." She considered throwing away the Valentine; but she noticed how pretty it was, and it made her smile; despite of the bad memory of breaking up. "It makes me happy; but sad at the same time. It's really depressing." She placed the card back into the drawer and continued looking for her red sock. The sock that goes great with her new dress. -ODD- Headlines for March 20th, 2000. That Oddish Feeling. I had not updated in over a month. Philip yells: "GET OFF YOUR FLOWERY ASS AND UPDATE!" Okay, I stretched the truth there. I was busy looking so sweet in Pokémon Stadium. I have Hemp on my head. Am I cool or what! Odd Stuff Updated. A new "Tough Nookie" with Frenchy. Piky is walking to Mecca or something and will be back soon. We're a Pokébordello! -ODD-   Christian Band finds peace in Demonic Rock. "It's okay. Everyone does it. I mean, Rackets and Drapes is our heros." Said John "joneatsdemonpuppies" Mason, singer of the Heavy Death Metal Christian Band Skinning Crosses. "I mean, seriously, NOTHING says I love Jesus; more than yelling 'I hate the Devil in You, so I hate you.' in a low Exorcist style voice." "Yeah, it's all good. We dress up in odd clothing and cut ourselves in our concerts to illustrate the point that God shed his blood for us." The band said they were inspired by the Christian Metal band Zao; and hope to make: "P.O.D. and Blindside look like N*Sync." As your roving Pikachu for the Preservation of the Family, I salute them for bringing upstanding demonic rock to the Christian world. Now it appears that the genre ruled by Slipknot, and Taproot, will be ruled by these types of people. -PIKY- Employee plans death of boss. A quiet disgruntled employee allegedly mumbled to himself about how someday, he would just "snap and kill everyone"; as he sat at his computer and downloaded pictures of Mellissa Joan Hart on Company Time this last Tuesday. Neither the boss or the employee has been reached for comment; but we hope to get more on this story later. -ODD- New Mario Clone "not a Mario clone!" Sony of America just announced a new game called: "Crash Bandicoot 128" for the Play Station 2 console. "The game will feature Crash in a 3-D world, in a completely innovative setting. You see, Coco asks Crash to come to her castle for some cake. But get this! In an unusual twist, Neo Cortex has already arrived in the castle. Now Crash must collect Crystals to open up doors in the castle. And when he faces off against the Final Boss, he has to grab Cortex's dinosaur robot by the tail and swing it around! I'm sure that NO ONE has ever done that before! It just goes to prove that SONY makes the most innovative products.. ever!" Stated an unnamed Sony representative. -ODD-   Lame loser offended. A complete idiot took offence to an article in "The Oddish" several weeks ago. "It made me feel uncomfortable, with it's blatant stereotypeing, and mean, nasty attitude. Frankly, when I think of it.. I stand very still and almost wet my pants." stated the loser. "I'm always offended by items in this website. I mean, I was horrified when they put up those IGN banners, or that 'vote for us' picture. It just struck me as offensive; and it reminded me of that time I flipped through the channels, and Dan Rather violated me with his eyes." The loser then proceeded to cry and blubber like an idiot. "I'll probably send anomynous ICQ pagers that display my IP." After this, a vote was taken among DMG Ice and ODdish staff; to "beat the crap out this one" someday. -ODD- Oddish Presents: Today we bring you the wonderful world of NUMBERS! Look below you for a long stream of the beautiful number SIX! 6666666666666666666666666666666666666666666 And BELOW it.. ONE! 1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 And further below it.. FOUR! 4444444444444444444444444444444444444444444 Those numbers have been brought to you by THE ODDISH! -ODD- Headlines for April 24th, 2000. MY PALM FEELS ODD..... This Oddish update was done entirely on Palm IIIe MEMO. I hope you're happy. Anyways, because it was kinda hastily rushed out.. no Reverand Piky or Frenchy's "Love Advice Column with an innappropriate name" this time around. BUT! The Oddish will update in May.. early May. And it will be better. Although.. we are working on sprucing up The Oddish to make it look better! Bwa ha ha! -ODD- COPY OF EPISODE 1 COLLECTS DUST! In what can only be viewed as sheer irony, an unopened copy of the movie "Star Wars: Episode 1" has started to build a thick layer of dust. The movie -which sold over two million copies on video- was purchased on a Tuesday two weeks ago by a Paul Roserburgen at a local Wal-Mart. "It's not that I don't like it... I don't have the time to watch it. Honest." Said the owner of the video. Sources close to the owner confirm that he does have the time; but is just too damn lazy to open the shrink wrap. -ODD-   ALL SENIORS AT COLUMBINE SHOT. In what was discribed as a horrible tragedy, the senior students at Columbine High School were all shot last week in front of the entire town. "It was horrible! They made us stand really still, while they took aim. I was, like, soooooo scared." Said a senior. "They shot us several times, and I know for a fact that the camera is going to make me look fat. It's like, really a tragedy. Really" -ODD-   INS RECOVERS LITTLE CUBAN SIM. In a surprise twist, the home of some tax-paying American citizen was raided by INS officials early Saturday. The raid came at the end of what was a long and bitter custody battle between two neighbors over a character generated in the computer game: "The Sims".  The disk containing the little sim was found in the middle of the road several months ago. When "Timothy Alonzo" took the disk home and discovered it had "The Sims" data in it; he immediately told his next door neighbor "Jerry Gonzalez" about his find. He described the Sim as "Looking Cuban". Jerry then demanded that Tim return The Sim to his house; because he had made The Sim. Tim noticed that The Sim had some great stats and refused to do so. After a long amount of delays, the INS finally sent in troops to recover The Sim. Timothy gave us this account of what happened. "I was just sitting in the living room, playing Game Boy.. when they came in, kicked down my fence, kicked down my Azaleas, kicked down my door, smashed my TV, overturned my table, pointed guns in my face and told me to 'Give them the damn Sim.' It was awful.. I thought the turn-over proceedings were going fine... but.. I feel betrayed! They took the disk with The Sim.. those bastards..." The Sim has been reunited with Jerry and so far Jerry has refused to let Timothy even see The Sim. -ODD- Headlines for May, 2000. The ODDs must be crazy!  Odd Stuff updated! S-Cargo's MST is fixed! Whoo. -ODD 05/30/2000- Sad news. Brian Farrell of THQ has stated that they expect losses in profits. THQ President and CEO Brian Farrell says the firm is expecting to post an operating loss of 13 to 15 cents per share in Quarter 2. The losses will be heavy; but we can not mourn for the financial losses of THQ. For we must, instead, mourn for Brian Farrell's hair. -ODD 05/30/2000- Yeah, whatever. Oh, there are two new MSTs in the Odd Stuff section. Go see them, or face death. -ODD 05/23/2000- That's really ODD. Time to make some changes. The Oddish has gone the way of The Snowflake. You see, The Snowflake is now a monthly thing. We're now "monthly" as well. Which means, we update multiple times per month! I add new and amazing news as it shows up! You'll see the words: "The Oddish" was updated a lot more! And still.. you probably won't give a f*ck, will you? Oh, yeah.. we now "open cuss". You can tell what the H*ll we said; because we censor the d*mn stuff with a little dot. Okay, you won't see the F word a lot. Because, it's really not needed to be funny. But.. you will see regular column updates! Yes, stuff like Reverend Piky's column, "Tough Nookie", "Red Reviews", and of course.. news! Oh, yeah.. and MSTs, and whatever new stuff I throw your way. We will stay as bitter, and jaded as always. We are also adding dates to the news item for example: -ODD 05/22/2000- E3 Booth Guy killed. In an unspeakable act of terror, and viciousness. An employee from Capcom's E3 booth was found dragged to pieces on the highway. The drivers of the truck that dragged the green haired employee to death have already been caught and can not be named in this article; until after the hearings. When asked why, they responded with: "He was fucking annoying and needed to die. Besides, we didn't get a T-Shirt from him." The employee was hired to look "Generation X" and throw t-shirts into the audience while useing words like: "Radical, Dude". Capcom has yet to comment on the death officially; but one of them mentioned off the cuff: "Good, I didn't want to have to pay the dip." -ODD 05/22/2000- Metal Gear Solid 2 Movie causes Discomfort. An undisclosed attendee of E3 is quoted as saying: "I was just minding my own business, then I heard: Snake, can you hear me? and I turned around and saw that game." The movie was played on the hour, every hour at E3 on a large screen. "I immediately felt a tad uneasy, and by the time I saw the photo-realistic graphics, smooth animation, and amazing action, I felt faint. When I saw Revolver Ocelot shoot that official, and heard Snake talking to Solidus... I officially soiled myself, and that was uncomfortable." We at The Oddish would like to say that the undisclosed attendee of E3 is a complete nerd. -ODD 05/22/2000- Headlines for June, 2000. She ate my ODD. Oddish.. gotta love it. It's also home to stupid.. STUPID parodies! And there's one now! In ODD STUFF! -ODD June 19, 2000-   Odd bedfellows. This month is the month of June. June is known for "June Bugs" and the hot, torrid days and hot, torrid nights I'll spend with your girlfriend. Your normal Oddish updates will be filled with enough good loving to make you cry tears of joy as it's loving you. Yeah. Like that. Oh, fuck it, please. -ODD- Woman sues Wal-Mart. "It was a horrible experience.. I want to prevent it from ever happening again... to me.. to anyone." Said a lady -who we have withheld the name of to protect her; because we don't want people bugging poor Amy Sevier- who has filed a class action sexual harrassment suit against the Wal-Mart Company. "It was horrible!" I was in Aisle 32 of the Super Wal-Mart and I was just minding my own business picking up stationary and some Pokémon cards for college. Then I felt like I was being watched. I looked behind me.. and -Oh, my God...- there it was.. that Wal-Mart smiley face.. stareing at me in a sexual way. I was so horrified! It was undressing me with its EYES! I was so scared!" She is demanding $3,000,000 in damages and psychological damage. -ODD-   Sex sells stupid product. "It's getting harder to resist.." Stated Matt Rathen, a young 23 year old male. "I was just walking down the street and I saw a sign with a woman in her underwear holding a chocolate bar seductively... I don't know why; but after seeing that advertisement... I wanted a chocolate bar too." Matt concluded: "I would have bought one too.. if I could remember the product's name.. Oh, well. The girl had nice tits though." -ODD- Crucical Design Descisions argued at Eidos. Locked in their development of the next Tomb Raider title, a dispute arose between two of the games central designers. "I think that besides making the graphics sharper.. we should make Lara's ass bigger." Stated one of the designers. "But he has different plans.." "I think we should make her tits bigger." Argued the other designer. "No, bigger ass, Jennifer Lopez has a big ass and people like her. People are getting sick of Lara.. so we need to make her ass bigger." "No... we should make her tits bigger." "She's already going to have back problems, so we should make her ass bigger to compensate!" "But if it's too big it will block the player's view." "So, you aren't stareing at her tits the whole game, we need to emphasize her ass!" The dispute raged on into the later hours; but we at the Oddish are sure that a reasonable solution can arise. -ODD- Headlines for July, 2000. EXCLUSIVE NEWS! LOOK! WE GOT EXCLUSIVE METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY NEWS! AND I FEEL LIKE TALKING IN ALL-CAPS; BECAUSE IT IS EXCITING AND I TOOK TOO MANY OF THE BLUE PILLS!!! CLICK THIS ARTICLE! -ODD July 13th, 2000- Can you feel it? It's a Poll! Feel the Poll! Polls are FUN to feel. Share the Poll with everyone! Everyone needs a nice Poll. Oh, look! Joannie Wyatt put the Poll in her mouth! Bad Joannie! Bad! Poll not go there. Poll for loving! Not eating! Love the Poll! Carress the Poll! Click the Poll! -ODD July 11th, 2000-   Changes, those ODD changes. Hello! If you haven't heard yet; which you haven't. The Oddish will NOT be very funny anymore. Nope. After losing several readers to humour induced deaths... we have decided to make the Oddish more news related. So, we will do amazingly in-depth News. Oh, yes. Real articles and stuff. Okay. I'm lying like a Dot Com start up at E3. We're going to try and be serious damn it! Oh, yes.. yes we will! And we give you some BRAND NEW Odd Stuff. Basically a delicious MST. Yeah. We also, supposedly, promise to umm.. update more. -ODD July 5, 2000-   THQ launches Evil Dead site! THQ, in an effort to promote their latest "game". Has announced a dedicated website devoted to the game. The game is called Evil Dead and more information can be found at the official site, www.triphawkins.com -ODD July 5, 2000-   Nintendo announces new products! Nintendo has announced that they will be releaseing more products based on their popular Pokémon franchise. They expect to flood the market with lots of the hot-selling products. When asked whether they will continue to release Pokémon products, despite their succes, Nintendo announced this: "Well, duh. If the cows giving milk.. you milk it. -ODD July 5, 200-   Dreamcast Piracy causes headache. In Japan, a group of net-savvy pimpled kids got the idea that they should upload Dreamcast ROMS. This has been a source of panic for nobody at Sega; because the games are too big to fit on a CDR and are generally more than a Gigabyte. Some needs to tell that to little Timmy in New Jersey, who is now repeatedly bashing his head against the wall while waiting for the game to finish downloading through his 14.4 modem. -ODD July 5th, 2000-   Kick List Spot! Welcome to the latest section of The Oddish! It's a List, enjoy. 10 Reasons to Buy Eidos. It goes really well with your dinner jacket. You can tell people you OWN Lara Croft. You can pretend that Looking Glass studios isn't dead. For some odd reason, you like smart-ass geckos. Much more impressive than owning Acclaim. You can *finally* fix their websites bandwidth problems. You still believe that Eidos is innovation, baby! Tomb Raider 4 didn't make you barf.. They may not have the best products anymore, or be the most liked company; but they have CHARISMA! The main office has that carpet.. oh, yes.. you want the carpet.. and the only way to have the carpet is to own Eidos... oh, yes.. the carpet.. HEADLINES FOR OCTOBER 2001 New LOTR game announced. Mattel announced that they have secured the rights to make a video game based on The Lord of the Rings. "We are priveledged to announce that we have aquired the rights to make a Lord of the Rings game for the PC, XBox, Game Boy Advance, and the Play Station 2. We have decided to use our already lucrative liscenses to further enchance this new liscense." Stated a press release from Mattel. "Our first game scheduled for a late release this Christmas is Barbie Fashion Designer 2: Lord of the Rings. Players control Barbie as she travels the mall in search of The One Ring that will win her the heart of a boy. Join her as she meets the wonderful characters of her world, Skipper, Ken, Kelly, Frodo, and her new physically specialized, vision impeded, African-Asian Empowered grrl friend Aishaylia. The games will be released around the time of a new original movie by the same name. We are unsure of what is actually in the movie, but we think it may be based on the Bible. But no one is going to watch the movie anyways, so it is not important if it does not match the game." We all anticipate this exciting new game. -ODD- X-Box to ship with pack in. Microsoft announced today that the XBox will ship November 15 with a special added pack in product. "We wanted to congratulate our customers for their patronage, while working to build brand dominace by interpolation of extrapolation of funds." Explained a spokesperson for the company. "Since a demo disk would be something our competitors would do, we decided to instead, pack small packages full of Anthrax with the XBox. It only seems fitting as both Anthrax and XBox end in the letter X, and we wanted to attribute the XBox to a cool band from the 1980s. We want people to Think Anthrax when they see XBox and we will be sending large bags of anthrax to participating Electronic Botique and Game Stop stores to sprinkle on the demo units at their stores. People who preorder will get a Best of Anthrax Mini-CD as well. Get Anthrax with XBox!" We will have more on this wonderful new promotion in the future. -ODD- Because it's da-mn sexy. Well, working on making this more independant.. failing miserably. ^_^ Oh! Check out the new feature! Gratuitous Sexism! AKA DMG Diva! -ODD- Back from the dead. That's odd. The most eloquent Oddish is back again! Look at how GREEN everything is now! Here's a run through of what is here and what is not here yet. On the left side are (eventually) links. Content, Weekly Horoscope, Archives, and Disclaimer/About. On the right will be a picture or two, and small headlines. The Oddish contains mild profanity and is cruel and insensitive. If you are offended, please print out the offensive portion, and delicately make it into a paper swan, then make the swan fly up your nose. -ODD- Because I'm damn lazy. You gotta problem with that? Well, do you? Anyhow, there's an "Older Crap" link. That's the VERY OLD, older Oddish. Yup! Still intact. You can read it while I move it here. -ODD-   Giant Monsters Pray. After last monthes terrorists attacks in New York City, super monsters Gamara, Godzilla, King Kong, Mothra, Pulsagari, and many other giant monsters joined hands this last Sunday to discuss and share their feelings over the recent terrorist activity in New York. "I'm saddened and disappointed that all those tasty human beings are gone forever", said a distraught Orochi. "Damn it! I hadn't gotten to climb those towers yet!" Complained King Kong. "Damn Dirty Terrorists." A distraught Mothra was noted as "crying tears of powder into his beer" by Godzilla, a close friend and fellow giant monster. "It really isn't fair.", said Gamera, the spokesmonster for the group. "We work our giant asses off destroying these buildings while people flee in terror, and some little lazy jerks go and crash a plane into two towers and cause more panic. It's not  fair." -ODD-   WC falls over. In a confirmed report, a portable WC, or Water Closet has fallen over in New York. "It was horrible.. it was just standing there silently and it just fell over. I hope to God there was no one in the WC at the time.. I hope to God..." Said one eye witness of the tragedy. "Oh, God.. shit.. Oh, God... it.. was horrible.. it fell.. and.. it.. fell.. and.. it landed... and.. OH GOD!" Said a person who had arrived at the scene and was still visibly shaken by the event. "It was early in the morning.. and.. why would anyone knock it over...." Said a distressed citizen. "The WC was a symbol of all America... why would anyone want to tip over America.. that's so fucked up. I want to KILL the porta-john terrorists who attacked the WC." So far, no one has claimed responsability for the attack on the WC. -ODD-   Fear of Terrorism affects Microsoft. "We are canceling the XBox until we can make them less large." Said Bill Gates, the estranged owner of Microsoft in a State of Microsoft speech this last Monday. "It's far too aerodynamic and large for it's own good. There have been reports that people may use the XBox in acts of sheer terrorism by throwing them at buildings. The size of the XBox makes it do a tremendous amount of damage when it is thrown. Because of this, we want to stop the flow of XBox related violence before it starts. The system is an ideal blunt weapon, and if it falls off of where ever it is placed it can kill small children, and animals. We at Microsoft.. don't belive in violence." We will have more on this story when we get more on this story. -ODD- Why we own you. (Disclaimer/About Section) This is a satire site. It updates independantly from DMG Ice. Here's all you need to know about it. There are several bits of content. Some are only featured on the main page. The Horoscope is only accessed through the main page. Updates are supposed to be on Wednesday. 1. "there is no content" is where the content page will be for MSTs, parodies, etc. 2. "old crap" is the "new Oddish" news archives. 3. "older crap is where the Oddish originally was.. and is fully accessed from there as well. All the old content from it will eventually be moved from there to this new format and be in "there is no content" 4. You are NOT a beautiful and unique Snowflake. And neither is this. You are a piece of Yellow Ice! 5. When you are in here, there is no escape to DMG Ice, or any of the other sites. You are OURS, DOG! YOU BELONG TO US! disclaimer (October 2001) The Oddish is a SATIRE portion and is not in anyway true to life. It is meant to make you laugh. (Duh.)If you are under 13, please consult your parents before going online. Not like they know how to get online anyways. Damn technophobes. The Stars HATE You. (October 2001) What the Stars Say.... I'll be your Madam Cleo... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)  Is it the Age of Aquarius? Well, if Aquarius is a minor. Don't worry, we won't tell. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)  You're friends will suddenly and violently tell you that you should honest to God change that tacky, wannabe, Hawaiian shirt. Remember that it's okay to go through life with just one kidney. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)  Beware of men in black trench coats that carry swords. Gaurd that Holy Materia well or else bad things will happen. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)  Your stubborn nature causes people to be uncomfortable around you. That is why you should tie the ropes tighter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gemini (May 21st-June 21st)  It looks good on you. However... i hesitate to tell you what IT actually is. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)  The Matrix has you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd) Remember that if you don't get caught, you can't be arrested. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd) Hey. That TV remote has more uses than just changing channels. Use it to a new use this week. Go on.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)  Your ability to be balanced will come under attack this week. Just pretend you are a skyscraper. You are tall, mighty, you can withstand anything and still stand.. and.. oh.. just forget it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd) Take to the streets and fight the system! You can do it! Oh, wait.. no you can't. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st) That noise you hear isn't actually you screaming.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th) Well, that test wasn't very accurate now was it? But.. when in doubt.. run in terror! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Reviews: "Pokémon" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game by Nintendo 1998 Size: 8 megabits too many. Save: One useless save spot with a battery that will leak into your GBC and melt the skanky thing. Works with: Any version of Game Boy.. it's equal opportunity suckiness! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Opening Snide Remarks: This is a Red Review. It's not meant to be serious AT all. And I wouldn't base your game purchases on anything I say. But, hey! If you're pretty stupid.. why not base your life on my every word! Send me money, LOVE me! Oh, wait.. if I say that.. I sound like that damn Poppy Seed. Bah. If you LOVE to see someone tear into a game... you'll dig my ripping to shreds those games you all seem to "adore". Kids these days wouldn't know a good game if it came up behind them, slammed them into the wall, and stole their lunch money. Damn kids; what the Hell is with them carrying lunch money anyway, they can't make their own damn lunch.. that's what is wrong with these kids.. no fricking initiative. They can't take to slice of bread, put some Peanut Butter on the top of one slice, Jelly on the top of the other slice.... and slam those two tops together. Messed up.. that's what it is. That loud obnoxious "cRAP" music from all those "DJ" people. DJ stands for Deaf Jackass in my opinion! They wouldn't know a good thing if it bit them on the butt. Speaking of not knowing a good thing.. what the HELL is up with this Pokémon stuff? There's a TV show, toys, underwear, games, figurines, clothing, food items, lubricated balloons, stickers, cards, etc. HA! Do you know what a Holographic First Edtition Charizar-whatever the Hell card sounds like in bike spokes? Well.. it SUCKS compared to the beautiful "FLAP FLAP FLAP" that a Roger Maris rookie makes. That and those Brooklyn Dodgers... love the sound. Oh, on to the review... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gameplay Description: Here's the kicker, it's an "RPG" and you NEED to have both versions to catch all 150 of these obnoxiously stupid looking creatures. I mean... Pikachu... if I saw one around my house.. I'll be in Piggly Wiggly the next day by boxes of Rid-X and mousetraps. It's a frigging mouse! Like "Mickey" or something. Anyway, you gotta plunk down almost $70 bucks to get two versions of the EXACT SAME GAME. And most snotty little kids will buy them both. Feh. The creatures have names like Oddish, Magikarp, Mewtwo, Venusaur, Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam... weird.. my antennae just went up. May be these things are satanic.. or something about saying "Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam" gets me in the mood. I'll try that some time.. maybe on my next date... a few years from now... I'll lean over toward that special viral girl and whisper sweet "Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam" into her ears. Or not. You start out in a lame little town in the middle of Hicksville called "Pallet". Your momma -who seems to be a single mother.. (Calls Dan Quayle)- says that it is time for you to get your ass out of bed and get a job.. or become a Pokémon Trainer. You try to leave the town and go to Viridian City; where you will sweet talk a rich chick and then leach off of her for the rest of your days. But.. NO! Some old geritol case named "Prof. Oak" -who seems to be very excited over his Pokéballs- has to stop you and drag you back to the lab to give you a "pokémon". Apparently.. that's what they call it now adays. His lame nephew -who is BETTER than you- is also there. He's a mean little spit and you get to beat up his pokémon after you choose one for yourself. Then.. the "adventure" begins.. you pour over text, and menus all the time.. while walking like a dead snail around areas that all look the same. The pitiful story has you going around everywhere earning badges.. when it would be easier to just let that Charizard EAT the people in Victory Road. Think about it.. saves time.... right? VERY little action and tedious dungeons make this game a complete bomb. Why? Because all talk is bad.. we want to see 10 year old "ASH" bust in on the Pokémon League with two smoking barrels. Yeah, you know you want to see him lay waste ala Matrix like a REAL man. Liked: You can turn it off.. and walk away. Hated: Buy this! Buy that! Yeah.. I'll buy it all and shove it..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Graphics Description: Put it in a Game Boy Color... and the color is disgusting! Blue or Red... I can hardly contain my bladder from the excitement. The graphics are pixelized and often ugly as fudge. And the attacks? What the Hell! I use an attack.. the enemy flashes.. damage is done.. where's my 25 minute long cutscene for the move PSYCHIC? Yuck.. that overhead view is annoying and the characters look dumb. And there's no nudity.... a game NEEDS to have some type of "nudity" or "partial nudity" at least.. Bleach. Liked: Not a damned thing.. even that pixel over there in the right is ugly. Hated: Not being partially blind. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sound/Music Description: Each creature has a noise.. that sounds like Nails on a Chalkboard! And the tunes are happy go lucky Tellitubby fare that will drive you to entertain thoughts of killing things. Liked: You can turn it down. Hated: It's there in the first place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Play Control/Game Design: Face it.. this collect-a-pet trend must DIE. This and "retro" need to die! They just DO! It's all slapped together with a concept that Persona did first and marketed to the lowest common denominators. Avoid it....  Liked: Umm... the buttons work? Hated: Commercial Video Games.. that concept must DIE! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Improve: Screw it and do something else. RIYL: Drugs, and maybe.. "pokémon". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Final Words: Oh, look! Pikachu fainted.. good riddance. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Score (Don't you wish you could?) Gameplay: 0  Graphics: 0  Sound/Music: 0  Play Control/Game Design: 0  Personal Opinion: 0  Final Score: A BIG freaking Poké-0% -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Currently Known Codes: Why ever the hell for? Ya gonna cheat like a bastard? The Good Game Game by the Good Guys Reviewed by Adrock gbcam@hotmail.com Size: A pretty good size. Save: Password (Which is good.) Released: The Good ol' Days. Works with: A good Game Boy or Game Boy Color. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Opening Snide Remarks: This game is pretty good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Gameplay Descripion: Yeah, it's good. Liked: It's good. Hated: Nothing (Which is good.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Graphics Description: It looks good. Liked: Looking good. Hated: Nothing (Which is good.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sound/Music Description: It sounds good. Liked: Sounding Good. Hated: Nothing (Which is good.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Play Control/Game Design: It plays good. Liked: Feeling good. Hated: Nothing (Which is good.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Improve: It's good, but can you make it great? RIYL: Good Games -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Final Words: It looks good. It sounds good. It plays good. So it must be pretty good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Score Gameplay: Good Graphics: Good Sound/Music: Good Play Control/Game Design: Good Personal Opinion: Good Total: Pretty Good Final Score: Good -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Currently Known Codes: For a good level select and good weapons, type in GOOD as your password. Greyleaf Reviews: Pokémon Game by Programming people Reviewed by me i don't know html Size: 232 lbs. Save: save what? Released: on bail Works with: mugs usually   Opening Snide Remarks: Yes.   Gameplay Descripion: yes i've beaten my wife many times and i keep playing Liked: the sound Hated: vomit stains   Graphics Description: it was ok until i passed out Liked: the fuzzies, double vision Hated: when i woke up the next day   Sound/Music Description: it screams Liked: you can muffle the sounds Hated: the police are attracted to screams   Play Control/Game Design: Driving and walkingis a little difficult. Liked: playing chicken Hated: i had to walk and fell   Improve: better balance and thinking skills RIYL: Tecmo Soccer, Zelda CD-i games, Super Mario 3 Final Words: i plead not guilty, please don't kill me Score Gameplay: ***** Graphics: ** Sound/Music: 0 Play Control/Game Design: ** Personal Opinion: **** Total: 13 x 4= 9 Final Score: 52%   Currently Known Codes: if you go to a different state they can't get you