BACK TO THE INDEX.
(Dawn Spawn 1999)
The Dawn Spawn basement is quiet for once. Everyone is asleep. Sephiroth (A Mewtwo) looks around the room and then uses his psychic powers to bring the Dawn Spawn Official Lap Top over to where he is. "I'll just check the e-mail." Sephiroth logged in with his web server and downloaded the e-mail. "Let's see... a flame from some people who were insulted. Someone in Florida got a kidney stolen. Hmm.. Vuefire's 'galla mail'. What's this? A letter from the local church pastor. Hmm.. this must be for Poppy Seed. She won't mind if I read it." Sephiroth looked over the letter. "Okay... as a Pokémon.. I am insulted.. and mad! Umm.. I need to MST this P.O.S. right now!" Sephiroth looked around at the various sleeping MSTers. They had a wild drinking earlier that night and everyone was either sleeping on the floor, in a chair, or on top of the TV set like Vuefire the Red Virus was. "Should I wake up Vuefire?" Sephiroth thought to himself. "Hmm.. maybe not. There are other odd creatures and pokémon around here." Sephiroth moved over to where an Articuno was perched. "Wake up Frostbite!" "Artic?" Frostbite said as it woke up. "Oh, stop that 'name-only' crap. You aren't on camera." "Okay, thou wisheth me to keep with thy discourse?" "Oh, umm.. yeah. I need someone to help me MST some crazy e-mail I got." "MST? Do I looketh to thee like a knave?" "Hey.. I'm PSYCHIC.. I literally KNOW that you can be sarcastic." "Oh, drat and tarnation. Thou hast rent me to mine core." "Are you going to do it?" "Sure as Heck!" Sephiroth looked at Frostbite with a glare. "Hey.. watch it Sephy.. I can freeze your ass at will. I was just a little tired.. it happens." "Okay. Now I need two more MSTers." Sephiroth saw a Snorlax over in the corner. "Hmm.. that's Craig Harris.. should I wake him?" "If you play that flute.. everyone will wake up." "Are there any flutes that just Craigs can hear?" "Nope.. Craigs are very sound sleepers and must be handled with non-delicate waking procedures." "Okay." Frostbite looked around and saw a Mr. Mime slumped over on one of the chairs. "Who's that?" "I dunno.. should we wake it and ask.. wait a second! Those things don't talk." "Oh, sorry." "Hey! Look.. in that corner.. it's another Mewtwo..." "That's NINE.. it's from Team Redline; that fan fic that Philip Wesley writes for www.dmgice.com" "Should we wake it?" "Naw.. there's a young, blonde, nubile, teenage girl named Sarah Jenkerson over there that we can wake up instead." "A young, blonde, nubile, teenage girl named Sarah Jenkerson?" "Yeah, one of Philip's friends. Should we wake her?" "Humans stink at MSTing.. let's wake that Octo-Rock over there." They went to the the Octo-Rock and Frostbite used HYDRO PUMP on it. "WAAAAAAH! I'm not Eric Klebold!" The creature yelled as it woke up. "Shh.. quiet! What's your name?" "Promiscuriositlenosphobiacanthy." "What the hell?" "Call me Prog." "Okay." "Wanna MST?" "Sure." "Do we need four MSTers?" Naw.. not really.. let's start." "Any rules?" "Nope.. just.. umm.. remember that what we do is legal... and umm.. Free Speech baby!"
Sephiroth = S
Frostbite = F
Prog = P
>How Pokemon and Magic Cards Affect the
V: Libido.
S: Vuefire woke up... we're doomed.
>Minds and Values of Children
S: Children have values? Never knew that.
F: Those kids shouldn't be playing with values.
P: Hell, they shouldn't be playing with minds either.
>(The Dangers of Role-Playing Games)
V: I heard that long exposure to Quest 64 can render people impotent.
S: That's probably true..
>by Berit Kjos
V: Sounds like an extra from Pee Wee's Playhouse.
>Logos Christian Resource Pages
S: Ever notice that their logo can be pronouced LOG O S?
F: They make you mad don't they.. that's bad MSTing.
S: Heck.. I know. But they come off to me as a LOG O' S.
>An Online Ministry of
P: Sea Monkeys!
S: !!!!
>LOGOS Communication Consortium, Inc.
F: Wow.. important sounding.
>INTRODUCTION
S: *Rimshot*
>Who are the strange little creatures from
V: Uranus.
>Japan that have suddenly become
S: Rap artists.
V: 'Active'
>global super-stars?
F: Umm.. definately not Creed.
>Most kids know the answer well:
S: It's 42!!
>They are called
P: The sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve.
F: Obscurity?
V: Well, yeah.. obscurity works.
>Pokemon (short for
S: A large ambigious word that we can not say here because we raps for the children.
>POCKEt MONster and pronounced
V: PEE - OUCH!!!
S: Don't do that.
>Pokeymon),
F: Can I hit on grammar?
S: Normally no.. but that's stupidity.. not grammar.
P: This guy must not have any kids.
V: He must also not get any nookie.
>and they have stirred up
P: Damn it.. I wanted SHAKEN.
>some mixed reactions.
S: I'm quite allergic to some of them.
V: I break out in sweaty convulsions when I think of Jynx.
>"We just sent a letter
S: Bomb.
>home today saying Pokemon cards are
F: Too expensive.
>no longer allowed on campus," said
S: The voice in my head!
>Paula Williams, a second-grade teacher in Danville, California. "The >kids
S: Aren't alright!
>know they're supposed to be put away after they come
V: It's the Ron Jeremy Mafia!
>in from recess, but they're often in the middle of a
S: Fight. Ostracization.
>trade, so they don't come
V: Poor kids.
>in on time. In the more extreme cases, the
S: Bodies are never found.
>older kids are getting little kids to
V: Do bad things with bad stuff.
S: I dunno.. I used to make little kids give me money.
>trade away valuable cards . . . . It drives a teacher crazy."
S: (As Teacher) More Pokémon cards? Why can't they just bring knives instead?
>1.It concerns parents even more.
S: Perry Como would concern some parents.
>"Recently, my children were given a set of Pokemon cards,"
S: Lucky bastards.
>said DiAnna Brannan, a Seattle mom.
V: and part-time Hooters waitress.
>"They are very popular with the children at our church and
S: Bar.
>elsewhere. I was instantly suspicious
P: Nice mother.
Sephiroth becomes instantly suspicious.
>but couldn't discern the problem.
F: Remedial Math didn't help either.
>We have since been told that
S: The Earth is flat.
P: And they believe it.
>they are stepping stones to
S: Pot and.. umm.. violence! I'm sure of it!
>the 'Magic cards' that have been popular for the last few
S: Seconds.
>years, which we do not allow."
P: Only weird kids play with Magic: TG anyways. REAL kids play Doom.
>She is right.
S: Wing.
>For instance, any child exploring
V: Themselves.
>the most popular Pokemon websites 2 will be
Sephiroth's brain starts to hurt as he and everyone else tries to figure out what that line means.
>linked to a selection of occult games such as
F: Veggietales!
V: Yeah.. I think LarryBoy may be a phallic reference.. but I'm not sure.
S: Okay.. no Veggietales jokes! That's just low.
>Sailor Moon, Star Wars, and others more overtly evil.
S: Like My Little Pony and Care Bears.
F: Actually.. those *are* satanic.
Sephiroth blinks.
>A click on the ad for
S: All mankind!
>"Magic: the Gathering" brings Pokemon fans
S: About 5 more clicks away from porn.
>to a site offering
P: NRA memberships.
S: Spam and Pyramid schemes.
V: Women.
>promotions such as this:
S: (As AD) "Hit the monkey to win NOTHING!"
>"A global games phenomenon, Magic: The Gathering is to the 1990s >what
S: Disco was to the 1970s.
>Dungeons and Dragons was to the 1980s, but with
S: Actual Rules.
>the added dimension of
F: Sight and sound.
>collectibility. Here is
S: Nowhere to be.
F: I love it when you are too obscure to be funny.
>the official reference to the biggest new teen/young adult fantasy game >of the decade,
V: Foreplay dice?
>complete with full-color reproductions
V: Reproductions.. now in FULL COLOR!
S: I just thought something.. bad..
>of every existing Magic card."
F: So I don't gotta buy them.
>THE POKEMON MESSAGE
S: POKéPAYCHECK! Gotta SPEND it all!
>The above websites gives us glimpse
S: I would hate to have glimpse.
V: I heard that causes warts.
>of the mysterious little creatures called
S: Women.
>Pokemon. Ponder the suggestions in this greeting:
F: Na Nu Na Nu.
S: Meka lecka HI! Meka Hiney Hiney Ho!
V: Suggestive..
>"Welcome to the world of Pokemon, a special place where people
S: Know your name and they're always glad you came.
P: That's so beautiful.
>just like you train to
V: Use the Big Poddy.
>become the number-one Pokemon Master in
S: Your mind.
>the World!"
F: Crave it, Pinky...
>"But what is a Pokemon, you ask.
S: If you gotta ask.. something is deathly wrong with you.
>'Pokemon are incredible creatures that share
S: Their toys.
>the world with humans,'
F: That's a crazy, f*cked up place.
>says Professor Oak, the leading authority on
V: Gynocology.
>these monsters. "There are currently 150
S: Of them.. under your bed.. waiting to eat your socks.. and maybe a hand or two.
F: Ever seen Critters 2?
P: That cracked me up.
>documented species of Pokemon. . . . Each Pokemon has its own special
S: Blanket.
V: Needs...
>fighting abilities. . . . Some grow,
P: Others just collect moss.
>or evolve, into even more powerful
P: Republicans!
>creatures.. . . Carry your pokemon with you, and
S: Your back will be sore from carrying a Craig.
>you're ready for anything!
V: I don't need WOMEN! I have PSYDUCK!
S: Umm.. we aren't Oscar.
>You've got the power in your hands, so use it!".
V: Just watch where you aim that power.. you could put someones eye out.
>3. What if children try to follow this advice?
S: Then.. they are idiots.
>What if they carry their favorite monsters like
P: Craig Harris.
S: I think that a Craig Harris isn't for carrying around.. it's for photographing. It's the "pretty Pokémon".
>magical charms
S: They're always after me magical charms.
>or fetishes in their pockets,
V: Pocket fetishes.. hmm... kinky.
>trusting them to bring
S: Their own damn gas money.
P: And chips. Don't forget the chips.
>power in times of need?
S: Just call 1-800- oh.. never mind.
>Many do.
S: Then how come I have never seen any?
>It makes sense to those who
V: Never get any.
S: Are on Crack.
>watch the television show.
S: Yes, sir!
>In a recent episode, Ash, the boy hero,
P: And deadite slayer.
>had just captured his fifth little Pokemon.
V: It was EVILTREECHU.. which he probably would never have caught if it wasn't for Misty.
>But that wasn't good enough, said
S: THE VOICE!
>his mentor. He must catch lots more
S: Rubes.
>if he wants to be a
P: Real Boy.
>Pokemon master. And the more he catches and trains, the more power >he will have for future battles.
S: Actually.. can I be preachy?
V: Sure.. why not.. this MST sucks anyways.
S: Ash isn't powerful.. his POKéMON are. They are his "friends" and they are part of his "team". Remember.. Prof Oak even mentions in the ending that Ash isn't responsible for winning.. his POKéMON are. They do the work.. he's just the coach.
>So Ash sets out again in search for more
V: P***y.
Sephiroth hits Vuefire.
>of the reclusive, power-filled, little
V: Pathetic televangelists.
>Pokemon. His first step is to find the
P: Clean pair of underwear in the bottom of his backpack.
>"psychic Pokemon" called Kadabra and snatch it from its
S: Small home in the suburbs.
>telepathic, pink-eyed trainer, Sabrina.
S: That almost sounded racist.
>With the ghost Haunter on his side,
V: (As Ash) I feel violated.. let go of my side!!
>it should be a cinch!
S: Riiiiiight.
>But Ash had underestimated the power of
S: Stupid people in large groups.
>his opponent. When he and Sabrina meet for the battle,
V: That's how ALL good lemons start..
>both hurl
S: Is this like a Linda Blair thing?
>their chosen Pokemon into the air,
F: FLYING HIGH! Into the sun..
>but only Kadabra evolves
S: Not in Kansas.
>into a super-monster with a magic flash.
V: I used my magic flash once.. and got arrested.
>Haunter hides.
S: For sale.. CHEAP!
>"Looks like your ghost Pokemon got spooked,"
Pron faints from the bad pun.
>taunts Sabrina.
S: (As Ash) Oh, yeah? Umm.. Harvey doesn't like you! Yeah.. he likes Betty.
>Obviously, Ash didn't understand
S: well, duh. He is ASH.
>the supernatural powers he had confronted.
S: Umm.. 'kay.
>Neither do
S: (As the Authour) I; but I'll write about it anyways.
>most young Pokeman fans today. Unless they know
S: Other people or read the instructions themselves.
>God and His warnings,
S: You know.. I think that God is not male... or female.. God is GOD.. and that's that.
V: Actually.. I hope God is a gorgeous female.
P: For your sake.. you just better hope that God has some mercy on you.
>they cannot understand the forces
Sephiroth is too tired and hung-over to make a Jedi Joke now.
>that have captivated
P: The Imagination of the entire world.
S: Ha. Ooh. Aah. That's how it all starts.. then there's running.. and screaming.
>children around the world.
S: I know.. I know it's true. You say hello and then I say I do.
>And if parents underestimate the
S: Power of the Dark Side of the Force.
>psychological strategies
P: It's not Star Craft anymore.
>behind its seductive mass
V: I wanna be behind it's seductive mass.
>marketing ploys,
S: Ploys! For sale! Cheap!
>they are likely to dismiss the Pokemon craze as harmless
S: I know.. the Pokémon craze stole my first-born and killed a puppy.
>fun and innocent
V: Well, she was.. until she met me.
>fantasy.
V: Island.
S: The LAME. The LAME!
>In reality,
F: That comes from above.
>the problem is far more complex.
S: Well, damn it Spock... you never told me.
>MARKETING A NEW LIFESTYLE
V: So.. people are going to be "Pokésexual" now?
>The Pokemon mania
P: Insane-ia. For you.
>supports a financial conglomerate
S: George Bush's son?
>that knows how to feed the frenzy.
P: The Frenzy feeds off of specially aged cheese.
>The television series is free,
P: Could have fooled me.
>but it drives
S: A beat-up Ford P.O.S.
>the multi-billion dollar business.
V: Of non-family orientated movies.
>It also inspires
S: Copy-cat shootings.
>the obsessive new games that disrupt schools and families
S: The same thing happens with obsessive new religions and jobs.
>by giving the children a seductive
V: Women. Yeah! I like this game now!
>vision:
S: For him.. it ends past his nose.
>to become Pokemon masters
V: Baits our young children in...
>a tempting promise: supernatural power.
S: Isn't that what George Bush told us in 1992?
>A new objective: keep collecting
S: Victims.
>Pokemon. An urgent command: "gotta catch them all"
V: Thankfully.. that's not the slogan of the FDA.
>These enticements are drilled into young
V: Furry Mammals that gnaw on wood.
>minds through clever ads,
S: As opposed to stupid ads.
>snappy slogans,
F: Ouch! That Slogan snapped at me!
S: He's mad.. "Slogan, RUN!"
>and the "Pokeman rap"
F: Not by Usher.
>at the end of each TV episode:
S: So you can memorize it..
>"I will travel across the land
S: We call it "Balling".
>Searching far and wide
V: Just try Prospect or upper Kansas City. It's quicker.
>Each Pokeman to understand
P: Simple math.
>The power that's inside.
V: MY PANTS!
>Gotta catch them all!"
V: Women.
S: Are you a Pokésexual?
>The last line, the Pokemon mantra,
S: Ummmmm. Chant with me.
>fuels the craving for more
V: Of that Pokésexual Healing.
>occult cards, games, toys, gadgets, and comic books.
S: You gotta love how these people slap anything with the word "occult".
F: LOOK! Lucky Charms is an "Occult Cereal"! If you eat it; you'll go to Hell!
>There's no end to the supply,
V: That's what his momma told me.
>for where the Pokemon world ends,
P: Hopefully soon.
S, and F: HEY!!
>there beckons an ever-growing empire
S: Of Democrats.
>of new, more thrilling, occult, and violent products.
S: As opposed to boring, p.c., and saccharine products.
>Each can transport the child into a fantasy world that
V: Contains largely endowed Pokéwomen.
>eventually seems far more normal and exciting than the real world.
S: That's because Real World sucks anyways.
P: Not as much as "Head Trip".
>Here, evil looks good and good is dismissed as boring.
S: This would be... Utah?
>Family, relationships, and responsibilities diminish
F: (As little innocent child) "Mommy! Daddy spends more time writing bad sermons about how everything is evil; than playing with me!"
>in the wake of the social and media pressures to master
V: Baited that one.. didn't they?
>the powers unleashed by
V: BEANS!
>the massive global entertainment industry.
S: They will lick you.
>No wonder children caught up in the Pokemon craze beg for more
V: He he he
>games and gadgets. The Japanese makers count on it.
F: It's called an Abacus.
>Since the means often justify the economic ends
S: Clever wording alert!
F: Clever? In this Fan Fic?
P: This isn't a Fan Fiction..
F: Oh.
>in the entertainment industry, the Pokemon website is full of
V: Shibetta
>tips, explanations, and ads that encourage the urge to splurge
V: Oops.. I splurged.
S: Quick! Get a mop!
>- and to express the darker side of
S: The Force.
V: That was too easy.
>human nature. Ponder their influence:
S: Yeah... humans. The world would be so much better without 'em.
>"You can catch a Mew by cheating with a Gameshark."
S: Although it makes you game glitch up and erase itsself. HA HA HA!
>"Ahhh. The Gameshark
P: Sounds like a song.
>. . . Cheating is not honorable. But
V: What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
>many of you have requested
V: The nookie!
>and sent me this information, so I have put it up
V: That's a new way of wording it.
>for all you cheaters."
S: Can I get a f*ck you?
V: I thought it was.. can I get a "whoo hoo"?
S: You live a simple censored existance.
>"The Moon Stone evolves certain Pokemon, such as Clefairy."
V: Clefairy.. that would "Prince" right?
>"Select your desired attack.
V: Ooh.. kinky.
>Hold down the button until your opponent's life stops draining."
V: Ooh.. explicit.
S: I don't want to know.
>"Once you have captured Zapados, you can use it to quickly lower the >health level of Articuno...."
F: Although you better not... jerk.
>"Super Smash Brothers. . . . This unique fighting game features all of >Nintendo's biggest stars in a bruising brawl-fest . . . ."
S: Hey.. was I in it? That's not fair!
>While children delight in these mysterious realms, concerned parents >worry and wonder.
S: And that is why those parents probably suck.
>What kinds of beliefs and values does the Pokemon world and its links >teach?
S: Yeah.. it teaches satanic things like respecting others and "love".
F: (As parent) Oh no! My kids are learning to respect others! Damn it! Now they won't join the NRA!
>Why the emphasis on evolution, supernatural power, and poisoning >your opponent?
S: Because.. it's a game.
>CHANGING BELIEFS AND VALUES
V: That's why you should use protection.
>Barbara Whitehorse started seeking answers
S: But, somehow, she ended up in this essay.
>after her son asked a typical question:
V: He he he.
>"Mom, can I get Pokemon cards? A lot of my friends from church have >them."
F: No! Stick to playing with your father's firearms!
>Much as she wanted Matthew
V: The distance and the interspecies thing stopped her.
>to have fun with his friends, she gave a loving
V: To me. Last week.
S: You suck, Vuefire.
V: Only because your mother taught me!
>refusal. Matthew's tutor had already warned her
S: Did that hurt?
>that the Pokemon craze could stir interest
F: I wanted my interest SHAKEN, not stirred.
>in other kinds of occult role-playing games such as Dungeons and >Dragons.
Sephiroth makes sound of people beating up a dead horse.
>At the time, she wondered if the tutor had just over-reacted
V: Which would have explained the mess.
>to some harmless entertainment.
S: Umm.. harmless entertainment leads to bad things.
V: Yeah.. people.
>After all, the cute little Pokemon creatures looked
F: Sexy beyond belief Well, except for Mewtwo.
S: You die.
>nothing like the dark demonic creatures of D&D. But when she >learned
S: How to count.
>that a local Christian school had banned them because of
S: Boredom. Heck, that school probably banned Judy Blume too.
>their link to the occult, she changed her mind.
P: For one in a lighter shade of yellow.
>Later, during a recent party for Matthew, Barbara heard two of the boys
V: In the bushes.
>discussing their little pocket monsters.
V: I like to discuss my pocket monster.
>One said, "I'll just use my psychic powers."
V: Oooh.. Tantric.
>Already, the world of fantasy had colored his real world.
S: And she never played "Dress Up" when she was little?
>So when some of the kids wanted to watch the
P: Late show on Cinemax.
>afternoon Pokemon cartoon on television, Barb again had to say "no."
S: (As kid.) "Dude, your mom sucks."
>It's not easy to be parents these days.
V: See, a stitch in time saves nine!
>Cecile DiNozzi would agree.
S: To anything.
>Back in 1995, her son's elementary school had found a new, exciting >way to teach math.
V: Naked!
S: Makes learning fun!
>The Pound Ridge Elementary school was using
S: Drugs.
>Magic: the Gathering, the role-playing game called which,
S: Which! Burn it!
>like Dungeons and Dragons, has built a cult following among people of >all
F: Types of acne.
>ages across the country. Mrs. DiNozzi refused to let her son participate >in
F: Anything fun.
>the "Magic club." But a classmate gave him one of the magic cards,
V: In exchange for?
>which he showed his mother.
P: Well, a boy's best friend is his mother.
S: Don't scare me....
>It was called "Soul exchange" and pictured spirits rising
V: Spirits rising? Nifty card.
>from graves. Like all the other cards in this ghastly game, it offered
F: Candy!
>a morbid instruction: "Sacrifice a white creature."
S: Well, I for will not miss Jesse Camp.
>"What does 'summon' mean?" he asked his mother after school one >day.
S: (As mom) It's what I do on street corners.
>"Summon? Why do you ask?"
S: (As kid) I wanna be just like you!
>He told her that during recess on the playground the children would
S: Beat him with metal rods.
V: And he liked it!
>"summon" the forces on the cards they collect by raising
V: I summon my forces on a regular basis.
>sticks into the air and saying, "'Spirits enter me.'
S: That pick-up line doesn't work.. I tried it.
>They call it 'being possessed.'"
V: Although I call it marriage.
>Strange as it may sound to American ears, demonic possession is
S: For sale! Just $19.95 plus Shipping and Handling!
>no longer confined to distant lands. Today, government schools
S: Kill originality.
>from coast to coast are teaching students the skills once reserved for
F: Those with money.
>the tribal witchdoctor or shaman in distant lands. Children everywhere >are
S: Out to get you!
>learning the pagan formulas for invoking "angelic" or demonic spirits
V: Invoking spirits... he he he.
>through multicultural education,
S: Well, it's the parents that made them take World History.
>popular books, movies, and television. It's not surprising that
V: You'll never get any.
>deadly explosions of untamed violence suddenly erupt from "normal" >teens
S: Next on Dawson's Creek!
>across our land. Occult role-playing games teach
P: Esperanto!
>the same dangerous lessons. They also add a sense of personal power
F: Egad! Self-Esteem!
>and authority through personal identification with godlike >superheroes.
S: Someone must have cried when Superman died.
>Though the demonic realm hasn't changed,
S: Yeah. I know.. they still haven't taken down that darn mirror ball.
>today's technology, media, and multicultural climate makes it easier to
V: Do.. 'stuff'.
>access, and harder than ever to resist its appeal.
P: Kinda like me.
S: Dream on.
>ROLE--PLAY AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ADDICTION
S: It's noy just for Jane anymore!
>The televised Pokemon show brings suggestions and images that
S: Cause seizures.
>set the stage for the next steps of entanglement.
V: I guess this means that Tentacruel and Misty get it on?
>It beckons the young spectator to enter the manipulative realm
S: Manipulative realm? Nifty.
>of role-play, where fantasy simulates reality,
F: Also known as Silicon Valley.
>and the buyer becomes a slave to their programmer.
V: Kinky.
>Remember, in the realm of popular role-playing games - whether it's
P: Final Fantasy or Quest 64.
>Pokemon, Magic the Gathering, or other selections -- the child >becomes the
V: Victim.
>master.
V: Baits something or other.
>As in contemporary witchcraft, he or she wields the power.
F: Like.. Castle Greyskull!
>Their arm, mind, or power-symbol (the pokemon or other action figure)
V: Want to see my power symbol?
>become the channel
P: Hopefully not ZDTV...
>for the spiritual forces. Children from Christian homes may have
V: Already been used.
>learned to say, "Thy will be done,"
V: So I take it that religion is a... domination thing.
S: That's low... I should kill you.
>but in the role-playing world, this prayer is twisted into
F: Pretzels.
>"My will be done!" God, parents, and pastors no longer fit into the
P: VW Bug.
>picture fantasized by the child.
V: Or the sick-ass adult.
>Psychologists have warned that role-playing can cause
V: Blindness.
S: Lesson here: "Don't play with your roles."
>the participant to actually experience, emotionally, the role being >played.
S: I know.. when Aeris died.. I was heartbroken.. suicidal even!
F: Idiot.. YOU killed her.
S: Oh.. yeah. I forgot.
>Again, "the child becomes the master." Or so it seems to the player.
P: Are all players wacky?
>Actually, the programmer who writes the rules is the master.
S: That actually made sense for a second.
>And when the game includes occultism and violence, the child-hero is
S: Happy.
>trained to use "his" or "her" spiritual power to kill,
S: I have a Plush Pikachu! I'll kill you all! I'll... umm.. HUG the plush toy! BWA HA HA HAHAHHAHAHHAHHA!
>poison, evolve, and destroy -- over and over.
S: A typical day in China.
>Not only does this repetitive practice blur the
V: Vision.
>line between reality and fantasy, it also sears the
S: Skin? Umm.. sort of... yeah.
>conscience and causes the player to devalue life.
S: (As child) I love Charizard. You all suck. You can die.
>The child learns to accept unthinkable behavior as "normal" .
P: Kind of like accepting the idea that mere baptism is grounds for entering Heaven.
S: Okay.... I think we all have hit some nerves here. She should stop that.
>To be
V: Really plastered.
>a winner
ALL: IS YOU!
>within this system, the committed player must know and follow the >rules
S: Follow rules? Well, damn! These kids follow rules? What the f*ck is wrong with them?
>of the game. Obedience becomes a reflex, strengthened by instant >rewards
V: I like the concept..
>or positive reinforcement. The rules and rewards force the child to
S: Excel at school. Oh, wait.. positive reinforcement.. is bad.
>develop new habits and patterned responses to certain stimuli.
P: Like Pavlov's dogs right?
>Day after day, this powerful psychological process manipulates the >child's
V: Umm.. can I say something?
S: No.
>thoughts, feelings, and actions, until his or her personality changes >and,
S: They develop severe democratic republicanism.
>as many parents confirm, interest in ordinary family life begins to >wither away.
S: I thought that was called.. growing up. It happens. Especially when we have a society full of hypocrites, and people who would rather run away to work than raise their children. Those types of idiots sit down and write this crap. They also contribute to satanic behaviour!
Vuefire blinks.
P: Someone has been getting mad... haven't they.
>You may have recognized those preceding terms as those often used by
F: Nerds.
>behavioral psychologists. They point to a sophisticated system of
P: Little doo-dads.
>operant conditioning or behavior modification. The child must exercise >his
P: Lazy carcass.
>own intelligent mind to learn the complex rules.
S: Uh oh... learning.. bad.. bad.
>But after learning the rules, the programmed stimuli produce
V: Illigetimate children.
>conditioned responses in the player. These responses become
V: Louder.
>increasingly automatic, a reflex action. Naturally, this can leads to
V: Stuff that is increasingly... tantric.
>psychological addiction, a craving for ever greater (and more expensive)
V: Umm.. pR0n?
>thrills and darker forces.
P: Next on PAX.
>WHAT CAN PARENTS DO?
S: Lock their kids up until they turn 21 or the parents grow up.
>It's hard to teach restraint to children who are begging for >gratification.
V: Women are like that too. Yeah, ba-bee.
>Wanting to please
V: Me.
>rather than overreact, we flinch at the thought of being called censors
ALL: CENSORS!
>once again. Parental authority simply doesn't fit the fast-spreading new
P: Butter!
S: Butter? What the Hell was that?
>views of social equality taught through the media and schools.
S: Hell.. equality is bad now too?
>Yet, we must obey God. He has told us to train our children to choose
S: Life.
V: Actually.. I say an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
P: Or a stich in time saves nine months.
F: Hmm.. maybe abortions would drop if contraceptives.. were.. cheaper? Weird concept.. umm.. we need to be funny now.
S: Okay.. THE SQUIRRELS WILL EAT MY TOES!
>His way (Proverbs 22:6), and we can't turn back now.
S: Because.. if you do.. I'll see who you are.
>If you share my concerns, you may want to follow these suggestions.
Sephiroth watches suicide rate rise.
>They will help you equip your child with the awareness needed to
S: Do CHORES.
>resist occult entertainment:
Frostbite throws out his Redemption Card Game cards.
S: Wait! Those might be worth something!
>1. First, look at God's view of contemporary toys, games and cartoons.
S: I wonder if God would play with toys?
P: I'm pretty sure he likes Nintendo.
>as a family, read
S: That's the BEST damn advice I have seen in this thing!
>Scriptures such as Ephesians 5:8-16, 6:10-18 (the armor of God);
>Philippians 4:8-9; and Colossians 2:9. Compare them with the
>values encouraged by Pokemon and other role-playing games.
S: Peace kids.. don't take your Game Boys or cards to school. That's asking for trouble.
>2. Share your observations. Spark awareness in a young child with
P: BEANS.
>comments such as,
V: "No one needs to know."
>"That monster looks mean!" or "That creature reminds me of a >dragon,"
S: Um... that's trippy.
>along with "Did you know that in the Bible, serpents and dragons
>always represent Satan and evil?"
S: What about the possessed pigs? HAM IS EVIL!!!
>3. To teach young children a Biblical attitude toward evil before they
S: Develop a mind.
>learn to delight in gross, ugly characters,
V: That carry cooties.
>make comments such as, "Who would want to play with that evil >monster?
S: (As kid) But.. MOM! He's my dad!
>I don't even like to look at him.
S: Someone is shallow.
>Let's find something that makes us feel happy inside."
S: Like a bong.
V: Or.. the noooooooooooookie!
F: Did you HAVE to yell that?
V: Yeah.
>4. Model wise decision-making.
S: Don't have kids.
>Tell your child why you wouldn't want to buy certain things for >yourself.
S: (As parent) I suck.
>When your child wants a questionable game or toy, ask questions that >are
S: Retarded.
>prayerfully adapted to your child's age, such as:
F: Diddy my widdle tweenager wove his mom-ma-ma's pudding?
>1. What does this game teach you (about power, about magic, about God,
>about yourself)?
S: I learned from Pong that life is all about hitting balls.
>Discuss both obvious and subtle messages.
V: Before hand.
>2. Does it have anything to do with supernatural power? If so, what is >the source of that power?
V: That source is...... IN MY PANTS!
>Does it oppose or agree with God's Word?
S: I suppose they ask the cartridge these questions?
>3. What does it teach about violence or immorality and their >consequences?
P: (learns from Pokémon) I will not carry guns.. I will carry wild animals.
V: In my pants.
>4. Does the game or toy have symbols or characteristics that link it to
S: Nixon.
>New Age or occult powers?
S: A little bit of both... with super-size fries.
>5. Does it build godly character?
P: I thught that was the problem..
>In a nation consumed with self-indulgence, self-fulfillment, and
>self-empowerment, godly self-denial seems strangely out of place.
S: So this is the.. "I must beat myself with metal rods each night" speech?
>But God commanded it, and Jesus demonstrated it. Dare we refuse to
>acknowledge it? According to the age of your child, discuss Jesus' >words in Matthew 16:24-26, then allow the Holy Spirit to direct your >application.
S: Application.. GO!
>Far more than earthly parents,
ALL whistles first eight bars of Star Trek theme.
>God wants His children to be content and full of joy.
S: God kicks serious butt than.
>But He knows better than to give us all the things we want.
V: I wanted that girl down the street.. but... I din't get her. :(
>Instead, He gave us His word as a standard for what brings genuine >peace and happiness.
S: That would be.. playing Tetris.
>The apostle Paul summarized it well:
S: (As Paul) Don't do drugs.
>"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest,
S: Whatsoever things are not from Logos.
>whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things >are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians >4:8)
P: That was lovely.
>After hearing God's warning and praying for His wisdom, nine-year-old >Alan
F: Greenspan quit.
>Brannan decided to throw away all his Pokemon cards.
S: You know.. years from now.. he'll be at a ComicCon and when he says he threw away that $30,000 card.. he's gonna feel pretty stupid.
>"My friend did the same," said his mother. "Her twelve year old son had
S: Drugs.
>been having nightmares. But after a discussion with his parents about
V: Where babies come from.
>the game and its symbols, he was convicted
S: And got life?
>to burn his cards and return his Gameboy game. That night slept well
S: Grammar.. must be evil too. It isn't used.
>for the first time in a month."
V: I don't want to know that about her.
>"It seemed to us that these cards had some sort of power,"
S: These people would most likely worship a rock.
>continued DiAnna Brannan. "Another nine-year-boy had stolen money
>from
S: Day-trading.
>his mother's purse ($7.00) to buy more cards. When questioned, he
>confessed
S: That happens.
>and said he had heard the devil urging him to do it.
P: That's the oldest joke in the book.
>The family quickly gathered
S: Rocks.. to stone him.
>in prayer, then saw God's answer. Both the boy and his little sister
V: Discovered something.. new..
>burned their cards, warned their friends, and discovered the joy
S: Of being completely stupid. Oh, well.
>and freedom that only comes from following their Shepherd.
S: Which I hope isn't Berit.
Vuefire looked up surprised. "Is that it?" Sephiroth shook his head. "I guess so.". "Well.. that sucked. We didn't even get any good rives." "I know.. I hope we can find something better later." With that, they all looked at the time and went back into their corners to sleep.