BACK TO THE INDEX.
Rated: PG-13
Zombies Alive MST
*Ding-dong!*
"I said to just KNOCK..." growled Sephiroth as he staggered to the
door, clutching his aching head. He turned round to see the rest of the
Spawn peeking round the kitchen door. "Come on" he hissed at them, "Give me a little moral support." The hungover Mewtwo put his paw over the handle, and paused for a second to transform his grimace into a radiant
smile before flinging it open.
"Hello!" he sung, stepping back into the shadows of the house before
the Missouri sun could melt his eyeballs. "You must be S- Cargo! Do come
in..."
"Thanks!" beamed S- Cargo back, doing so. "I have to tell you, this is
just so exciting! I mean, it was a complete surprise when Vuefire
e-mailed me..."
"Do tell" purred Sephiroth, genuinely interested to hear what lame
story the Red Virus had sold this naive teenager.
"Well, I thought the site had all the staff they needed... Hey, are you
okay?"
Sephiroth was bent double in laughter, making pathetic attempts to
sound as if he was coughing. "So sorry," he spluttered, wiping away tears.
"I'm coming down with something. Uh, please, go on." He covered his
mouth with his paw and leant against the hallway wall, his shoulders
shaking in silent mirth.
"Okay... Anyway, I mean, to be offered a position as Supreme Content
Overlord... it was an incredible honour. Of course, getting to America
and then to Knob Noster has wiped out all my savings - hey, you should
really see someone about that cough - but, it's going to be worth it,
right? Um, listen... do you want a tissue?"
Sephiroth waved away the proffered Kleenex and stumbled, blinded by
tears, back down the hall and into the kitchen, roaring with laughter.
Vuefire realised he was going to have to take control of the situation,
and rushed out.
"Uh, Sephiroth needs to take some cough medicine or something, but I
guess I can talk to you." he told S- Cargo, skidding to a halt.
"Sure, but where's Philip? You know, for the interview? That IS the
reason I came here, after all." S- Cargo grinned.
"He's out right now, but he'll be back soon. He does interviews in the
basement. Why don't you wait down there?" Vuefire suggested helpfully.
"Can't I have my interview up here? We don't get natural light in
England... it's a nice change."
"Sorry, this is just the way Philip does things." Vuefire had already
opened the basement door. "This way..."
"OK, what the heck." S- Cargo smiled and stepped through.
"Don't bother asking if you want to use the fanfic screen, the video,
the Nintendo, the fanfic screen, the fanfic screen, or whatever!"
Vuefire called down the stairs after him.
Back in the kitchen, the rest of the Dawn Spawn were gathered.
"I don't like doing this..." murmured Poppy Seed the Wigglytuff,
nibbling on a lettuce leaf. "Philip told us to do an MST while he was on
vacation. He trusted us."
"Oh, and you REALLY want to MST a DVGBC fanfic, don't you..." retorted
Sephiroth sarcastically.
Poppy Seed turned pale, remembering their practice attempt. "You're
right... you're right! It's inhumane to do that to pokémon!
"I don't see what the issue is." agreed Jerry the Shy Yellow Virus,
supported by nods from the assembled pokémon, virii, and other creatures
that composed the Spawn. "Philip gets the MST either way, it's just more
convenient if we can exploit some schmuck DMG Ice reader."
They all turned as the door opened and Vuefire walked in. There was a
few seconds pause, then the Red Virus bowed. The Spawn erupted into wild
applause and cheering.
In the basement, S- Cargo looked around for a way to pass the time. He
walked over to the battered couch that rested against one wall,
stepping over the debris that littered the floor - unwanted Pokémon
merchandise, Sailor Moon toys in suggestive 'dioramas', Vuefire's magazines
(used), some daisy chains that Poppy Seed must have made - and sat down.
Time, he decided, for an assessment of the remote control situation. One
for the TV, one for the video recorder, one for the CD player... and one
that he couldn't identify. It was small, futuristic in design, and had
only a few buttons: 'play', 'stop', 'pause', 'rewind', 'fast forward',
and 'auto-flame author'. How odd... he picked it up and pressed the
'play' button gingerly. From a point in space in front of the opposite
wall a thin line of what looked like pure light spread out horizontally,
parallel to the bricks, in both directions. Then the line began to
quickly expand vertically, creeping simultaneously towards the ceiling and
the floor, until a sallow yellow screen, five feet horizontally by four
feet vertically, hung unsuspended in the air.
"Wow..." he breathed. "A fan fiction screen?" He clicked 'play' again
and dark green text appeared and began scrolling down.
>OG Squad presents
"...Are usually socks or aftershaMMMPH!" S- Cargo clapped a hand over
his mouth before he could finish the comment. Not moving his head, his
eyes darted from left to right.
"Okay... okay... stay calm" he told himself. "You could be wrong. Maybe
it's not what you think." He got up, and, wearing a fixed smile, walked
back up the stairs, gripped the door handle tightly, and... it was
locked.
The Dawn Spawn, playing blackjack in the kitchen, winced as they heard
the scream.
"Better him than me" shrugged Sephiroth. "Twist."
S- Cargo slumped on the couch, the fanfic paused.
"Unbelievable... I guess I might as well get this MST over with. You
never know, maybe I'll come up with some funny comments. Get a
reputation. Who's this fic by, anyway?"
The colour drained from his cheeks when he looked back at the screen.
The Dawn Spawn, dancing to M2M in the kitchen, winced as they heard the
scream.
"Maybe we should get that room soundproofed?" shouted Vuefire over the
music. "Twist!"
"DVGBC?" S- Cargo was holding his head in his hands. "No-one's ever
succeeded in MSTing his work before... what hope do I have?"
Suddenly he looked up, a determined smile on his face.
"But at the same time, the greater the glory if I can do it! Okay, now
think logically. Alone I don't stand a chance. If this is meant to
happen, I'll be able to find some allies."
He stood up.
"Wait a second..."
He remembered reading about the Dawn Spawn's Official Laptop. After a
brief search, he found the thing underneath some of the junk on the
floor.
"Right" he thought. "I'll post a cry for help on DMG Ice's General
Board."
Thirty seconds later he was surprised to see a wolf walk through the
basement wall. Its hairless skin was a transparent blue, although there
were no organs inside its body with the exception of a neon red heart.
Not even a brain.
"Maybe that isn't the best sign..." thought S- Cargo.
The wolf fixed him with a look that said "I can read your thoughts,
dumbass".
"I can read your thoughts, dumbass." growled the wolf. "Anyway... I am
Cidal. I can sense you wish to know why I am here."
S- Cargo nodded. In actual fact he'd been mentally ranking the Mario
Golf 64 cast in terms of good-ness, but... those claws looked sharp.
"I am the benevolent plot contrivance incarnate. I stalk the internet,
and help those who need it."
"Really? I don't think I've heard of you before..."
"No fanfic character has ever needed me as badly as you" shrugged
Cidal. "You're trapped in a basement MSTing a DVGBC story. When I saw your
post I came straight away."
"Um... This isn't a fanfic."
Cidal blinked.
"This MST is for real?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Then there is no freaking way I am staying one second longer."
Cidal turned to face the wall and trotted forwards.
By now the Dawn Spawn had taken Jerry's advice and installed 'negative
soundproofing'. This pioneering technique consisted of turning their
stereo to maximum volume. This time, they barely heard the scream.
Cidal had stolen S- Cargo's place and was curled in the corner of the
couch. S- Cargo was still standing. He had to think.
"Listen... two just isn't a very funny number." he pointed out to his
new co-author. "But at the same time, I don't get the whole 'four
MSTers' thing. I mean, I never saw the show -"
"With just the five channels, that's hardly surprising." Cidal curtly
interrupted him.
"But," the human resumed unfazed, "I've done some research, and there
were only three people watching the movies. So... what's up with that?
I'm saying we need just one more MSTer." He paused for a minute,
thinking. "Oh, what's the use... we won't find anybody. Let's just do this
now, sneak away, and never use the internet again so we don't get
embarrassed."
He dropped back onto the couch.
"Yaargh!" the couch screamed.
S- Cargo leapt up again. "WTF?"
He nervously lifted the seat cushion to find a mildly squished Blue
Virus, which instantly popped back into shape.
"Who are you?"
"I'm Bluefire" said the virus defiantly.
"'Bluefire'? Like 'Vuefire'? That's so lame..." laughed Cidal.
"Shut up!" yelled Bluefire. "I'll have you know it's pure coincidence!
You think that this is some Pikachu/Pikablu thing? That I'm a wannabe
Vuefire? I'm my own virus, dammit!"
S- Cargo sat down again.
"What were you doing under the cushion anyway?"
"The rest of the Spawn didn't wake me up!" Bluefire complained. "I
opened my eyes and saw you coming down the stairs. I already knew their
plan, so... I hid! Look me in the eye and try telling me you wouldn't have
done the same."
S- Cargo held up his palms in concession. Bluefire nodded in
satisfaction and hopped onto the couch between the human and Cidal.
"Alright," yawned Cidal, "Three MSTers. That's enough. Can we get this
over with?"
"OK. This intro is too long anyway." admitted S- Cargo. He picked up
the remote, rewound to the start, and pressed 'play' again.
The MSTers
S = S- Cargo
C = Cidal
B = Bluefire
>OG Squad presents Zombies Alive
>by DVGBC, Golem, Rob64, Saph, and Blastoise789
>edited by DVGBC
C: By the way, we're blaming the group's mastermind, DVGBC, for this
all the way through as we don't know who wrote what.
B: I'm psyched! Let's tear this thing apart!
S: Not yet! Wait until the song's finished.
B: Huh?
>
>You wanna be a member of OG Squad
B: *under breath* No.
S: *hisses* What did I just say? Shhh.
>Do you have the skills to be a hero
>I wanna take the ultimate test
>The courage to be strong
>To risk it all and not forget
>The strength that I have
>I wanna go where Star Trek never came
>Far off the road
>Know the way to take a hit
>Use the power that's in my head
>We all live in a Game Boy Color World OG Squad
>I wanna be the greatest hero of them all
>We all live in a Game Boy Color World OG Squad
>I'll put myself in danger
>To be stronger than Holyfield
>So you wanna be a member of OG Squad
>Do you have the skills to be a hero
>We all live in a Game Boy Color World OG Squad
>I wanna be the greatest hero of them all
>Got the power right in your head
>O G Squad
C: Uh... WTF?
S: See what I meant? Anyway, it's starting.
>
>*at the OG Squad HQ*
>
>DVGBC: Well all stories start
S: Off OK, then fall apart when the plot and characters are introduced.
>here.
>
>Rob64: well as long as it always starts
S: (Rob64) with some lame dialogue, I won't star in another of your
fics. *pouts* *leaves*
>here.
>
>Blastoise789: Have you noticed that you can surf the web on your TV.
B: (Blastoise789) It makes a comfy stool, but just be careful about the
aerial. I learnt the hard way. The hard, metal way. *rubs his behind*
>
>Saph: I wish I have it.
C: (Saph) I wish I have it but electrical store owner not take woolly
mammoth tusk in barter trade. *discovers fire*
>
>Blastoise789: I do, it's really neat and you don't have to pay much
>for it.
B: I would have thought that Blastoise789 would have to pay extra for
'it'.
>
>Golem: So we have a member that can surf the web on the TV.
C: Summing up the plot developments in a fic every few lines might be
an interesting idea. The thing is... first you need a plot.
>
>*the Chief appears*
S: On a potato chip in Sicily. All hail the holy potato chip!
C: $10 to see the holy potato chip!
>
>DVGBC: What is it chief?
>
>Chief: Zombies have
S: Invited us all to a fabulous party.
B: Bum rushed the stage.
>escaped from Capcom HQ. They are heading for San Francisco.
>
>Rob64: Oh great,
S: (Rob64) DVGBC lives in San Francisco! No more fanfics from him!
>looks like Resident Evil for GBC has been canceled.
>
>Golem: I wanted to play
B: (Golem) this author for a fool.
S: Um, wouldn't Golem want a bigger challenge?
>that game.
>
>Chief: Well NeoGeo Pocket Master has led a
S: (Chief) horse to water. Your mission: to make him drink.
>swarm of Zombies out of Capcom HQ.
B: 'A swarm of zombies'. Is that the right collective noun?
S: With zombies I think you make up the rules as you go along.
C: How convenient for DVGBC...
>No Capcom employee has stopped the zombie.
S: (The zombie) *makes hand movement* You don't, need, to see my
identification. This, isn't, the zombie you're looking for.
C: Hm... that shouldn't have worked... you're lucky.
>OG Squad, I want you to travel to San Francisco. Tony Hawk will be
>waiting for you
B: To create a new console format so that he can get ported to it.
S: (Activision employee) Ouch.
>at San Francisco International Airport. *hands everyone tickets to the
>plane*
S: (Rob64) Now give us some money for the taxi to the airport.
>
>Saph: I never been to San Francisco before. I wonder how is it like.
C: How is it like is a lot like any other big city is like.
>
>Blastoise789: We'll tell you when we get there.
>
>*they head for the airport*
>
>Airport Guy: Your tickets...
S: (Airport Guy) are worthless forgeries. Security!
C: (Airport Guy) are the reason for my existence.
B: That's deep.
>
>OG Squad: Here!
>
>Airport Guy: Step right in...
S: (Airport Guy) to my outstretched fist. *POW* Ha! Your fault!
C: (Airport Guy) to this seemingly shallow puddle, and hilarity will
ensue!
B: That's deep.
C: *growls at Bluefire* Don't spoil the gag...
>
>*They get in the plane and head for San Fransisco*
>
>Golem: I wanna go to the Rice-a-Roni headquarters!
S: Rice-a-Roni HQ? Are Rice-a-Roni a rival superhero group?
>
>DVGBC: We've got a job, remember?
>
>Golem: Oh yeah.
S: *looks around* Huh? Kool-Aid Man?
B: Dumbass, only about six people here read Nintendorks.
S: So? Only about six people here will read my MST.
C: Uh... you do realise they might not be the same six people?
S: *breaks down in tears* *pulls himself together*
>
>Pilot over PA: This is... the Me Airway... 293... uhhhh...
>
>Rob64: The pilot sounds bored!
S: *dutifully* Him too? *sighs*
C: Oh well... what else can you do with a line like that?
>
>Guy Who Serves Food: Here, try... this...
B: Mmmm, gum and nuts: together at last.
>
>Rob64: Okay, if you say so.
S: Rob64's iron will is difficult to overcome.
C: His stubborness will be his downfall.
>*eats it*
B: (Random snowboarder) Auh, wipeout, man! You ate it!
>It tastes ten years o-- That tasted... good... thank you...
>
>DVGBC, Saph, Blastoise789, and Golem: Wha?
>
>*they notice they are the only passengers on board*
>
>DVGBC: Where is every one?
S: They walked out when they read their scripts.
>
>Pilot: They... have... been... taken... care... of.
B: They all got their money back, and free tickets for the next flight
to San Francisco! Yay!
>
>Rob64: You... will... join... us.
S: Luckily for the non-zombified members of the OG Squad, none of them
would pass the medical.
>
>Golem: They're zombies!
All: (Zombies) *look at each other* Zombies? Zombies! Aarrgghh! *run
off*
>
>Announcer: Zombies, never heard of it.
>
>Saph: this is bad, very bad.
S: Your turn!
C: *dutifully* Tell us about it. *sighs*
>
>Blastoise789: I'll try them. *Hydro Pumps the zombies*
S: Hydro full of bullets with his Tec.
B: Hydro hehe.
>
>DVGBC: Good shot Blastoise789.
>
>Blastoise789: Thanks.
B: (Blastoise789) I practiced on your pet cat this morning DVGBC.
Bwahahaha.
>
>*the Zombies return to normal*
S: Okay... Team member eats some food, team member turns to zombie,
other team member shoots the zombies with water, zombies return to
normal... What a cliché. So predictable.
>
>Pilot: Oh no, there's no pilot.
C: Maybe DVGBC should give his characters name badges...
>
>Rob64: Here, take this. *hands Pilot a Pilot brand pen*
S: Hopefully it's to make some alterations to the script.
>
>Pilot: Very funny. *heads back to the cockpit*
B: Only so he can use the ejector seat and escape this scene.
>
>Flight attendant: Where did this 10-year-old food came from?
S: (10 year old child) *scared* Help, the flight attendant's still a
zombie!
>
>Golem: I have no clue where.
>
>Announcer: You know. I have an idea.
B: (Announcer) Let's track down our agents and punch them all in the
noses for getting us parts in this fic.
>
Blastoise789: You're not part of this Announcer.
S: You're not part of this announcer? We can fix that.
B: *calls* Mad scientist?... Random mad scientist?
>
>DVGBC: Four score and 7 years ago...
>
>Announcer: ...the Knicks win
S: A goldfish at the fair. Then give it to DVGBC, who takes it on as
his assistant dialogue writer.
>again.
>
>Intercom: And now, time for a in-flight movie, Wrongfully Accused.
C: Widely conceded to have a more interesting plot than the sequel,
'Rightfully Accused'.
>
>*lights dim*
>
>Announcer: It's time for a shameless DMGeneration_X crossover.
C: I think he means 'shameful'...
>
>*Hbomb, Y2KoRn, Mindstorm, and Meowthar enter*
B: Seeing as the plane has already taken off, that could have been
difficult.
S: In fact just describing their entrance would have made a more
exciting story than the rest of this fic.
>
>Hbomb: Hi, guys. *explodes*
S: Blowing a hole in the side of the plane, through which the whole
cast are sucked out. Oops...
>
>Meowthar: He does this all the time.
S: Who? The author? And does what? Adds pointless characters?
>
>Network Guy: You guys aren't supposed to be here.
C: (Meowthar) Does it really matter? It's not as if there's much of a
plot to screw up...
>
>Y2KoRn: What did I do?
>
>Network Guy: You know what you did. Time to get
S: *hopeful* Several stiff drinks in before I read any more of this
fic?
>punished.
B: Rewind...
>Time to get punished.
S: So, that's a 'no'.
>
>Hbomb: I'm made of hydrogen. *explodes*
>
>Y2KoRn: What's the difference between corn and KoRn? *explodes*
>
>Meowthar: Meowthar, that's right. *explodes*
>
>Mindstorm: My mind creates storms. *explodes*
S: Now my ears hurt. But at least the author got rid of those useless
characters.
C: I think DVGBC just has a problem with commitment.
>
>Meowthar: You still recruiting?
C: (DVGBC) That depends. Do you have a unique personality, a
motivation, or a useful role to play in the story? You don't? Welcome to my OG
Squad!
>
>Bubbles: Yeah, We'd love to help.
>
>Mewtwo: Why are you dragging me into this?!?
>
>Stripe: Because Meowthar said so.!
>
>Megabyte: Oh for the love of the user! LOG-OFF!
>
>DVGBC: look out.
S: Why? Got any more friends you want to cram into this fic?
>
>*a zombie appears behind Meowthar, Bubbles, Stripe, Mewtwo, and
>Megabyte*
>
>Zombie: Must... have... brains.
C: Wrong fic for those. Try next door?
>
>Golem: Take that. *rock throws the zombie*
S: So... some zombies get shot with water and turned back to humans...
Others get destroyed in a hail of rocks. Seems fair.
>
>Rob64: What are you doing here?
>
>Meowthar: Well I was here to um *thinks* follow you guys.
S: Careful DVGBC! That character was almost interesting.
>
>Saph: Are you sure? You don't sound truthful.
S: OK, you got me. She bored me to tears.
>
>*the plane starts shaking and lands on the
S: *guessing* Moon? Seabed? King Zombie?
>ground hard*
S: Close.
>
>Intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, we have crashed landed in Salt Lake
>City, Utah. Oh that's just sad isn't it.
S: Yeah! A plot twist.
C: Bad news, S- Cargo... when you try and twist something rotten it
normally just snaps in two.
B: Wow. You should write for Dawson's Creek.
>
>Blastoise789: Great, how will we save San Francisco?
>
>Meowthar: I can get a bus line.
B: With the aid of Meowthar's 'bus lines', everyone soon felt a lot
better.
S: Salt Lake City street slang is a cryptic dialect.
>
>*everyone leaves except for Mewtwo, Bubbles, Stripe, and Megabyte
>because they are knocked out*
S: They must have done too many bus lines.
>
>Rob64: Where should we go first Meowthar?
>
>Meowthar: Hm. Fascinating... We've crash-landed in my American
>Hometown. Why don't we go to the Utah Fun Dome?
S: I wonder what's in there. Probably quite a lot of fun. *remembers
he's MSTing a DVGBC fic* Hey wait, can I come with you?
>Or how about lagoon? Or maybe we can crash the latest
S: (Meowthar) zombie-infested plane we get given!
>Utah Jazz game! Well, while we wait for the next bus to San Francisco
>we can...
>
>Golem: Play our Game Boys!
>
>*they all take out Game Boys and start playing them*
B: They were lucky those boys were game to be played.
C: Yeah... I don't think this team have amazing powers of persuasion at
their disposal...
>
>Rob64: Wait! If they knew what plane we were on...
S: (Rob64) ...they should have put more than three zombies in it.
>
>Saph: They might know
S: *sings* The Abstract is really soul on ice, the characters are of
men, never ever of mice...
>what bus we will be on!
>
>DVGBC: Right, we might need to take
B: Copious amounts of narcotics to make it to the end of the fic.
>another bus.
>
>Meowthar: But the only other bus leaving goes to
B: Another stop in San Francisco, about 100 feet from the first one.
>Las Vegas!
>
>Golem: All right! Bring on the dancing girls!!
>
>Blastoise789: Well it's out of
S: (Blastoise789) reach, even for my Super Extendo Arms of Justice!
>the way but it's safer.
>
>*they get on the bus to Las Vegas*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
>DVGBC: So we have to go to Las Vegas, right? Wow! I can see all the
>pretty women over ther.
S: Hey, give me a turn with those binoculars...
>
>Meowthar: *slaps DVGBC with a giant
S: *guessing* Fish?
>whale*
S: Close.
>OK, enough of that.
S: Sorry.
B: (Navi) Don't be scared of the fic! Just attack it repeatedly!
>
>Golem: Every men wants women, even the married ones. *laughs*
S: Um? The married men, or the married women?
>
>Saph and Meowthar: Men, too crazy to
B: End their fics at the right time.
S: Write dialogue that makes sense.
C: Ever be let out of the home for crazy men where they live right now.
>think about them.
>
>Blastoise789: *reads a book* It's so hot here.
B: (Blastoise789) I think I'd better... take some clothes off. *strips*
S: Alternatively: (Blastoise789) Ooh dear, actually I've got a bit of a
dicky tummy as well... I don't feel like fighting supervillains. I'm
going to have a nice lie down.
>
>Pigs: We
S: (Pigs) evolve into 'Hogs' at Level 36. Feel our wrath!
>sweat! *explodes*
>
>Rob64: You know that Tony Hawk is still waiting for us.
C: Bah! Humans - Too trusting.
>
>*several Team Rocket zombies crash into the bus*
C: Uh, surely 'crash in to'?
S: No, it still makes sense. (Bus driver) Hey, did I hit something in
the road back there? Oh well. *drives on*
B: You wish. Then the fic would finish sooner.
>
>Zombie Jessie: Prepare... for... trouble.
>
>Zombie James: Make... it... double.
S: (Zombie James) And... give me... a flake... and some straw...
berry... sauce...
C: (Ice cream van guy) To protect the world from emaciation... to raise
my prices above inflation!
>
>Meowthar: Hm. Fascinating... We've crash-landed in my American
>Hometown. Why don't we go to the Utah Fun Dome? Or how about lagoon?
>Or maybe we can crash
C: 'Into' Zombie Team Rocket again, having hijacked the bus. Fewer
enemies equals fewer fight scenes which equals fewer minutes of fan
fiction.
>the latest Utah Jazz
B: Mag will be a good read.
S: *points at floor* Looks like Vuefire quite liked even the old ones.
>game!
>
>Stripe: We not in Salt City no more!
>
>Meowthar: Hey, how'd you get here!?!
B: *smug* Probably the same way he got onto the plane in mid-flight
earlier on.
S: Most fic writers would spend a paragraph on a contrived explanation.
I don't know whether to be glad or offended that DVGBC never bothered.
>
>Zombie Jessie: Ignored, as usual.
S: I don't ignore her in the Pokémon cartoon series...
>
>Zombie James: Go figure. Hey, why don't we just tie them all up?
S: I'll ignore that.
>
>Zombie Jessie: They'd never agree!
B: They agreed to star in this fic... I'd say you have a chance.
>
>Zombie James: You idiot, you're supposed to act like zombies.
B: (Zombie Jessie) Zombies? *tries to walk in two different directions
at once* Gnnh... *winces*
S: (Zombie James) *sigh* No, no... STUMBLE in two different directions
at once. *he demonstrates* Gnnh... *winces*
>
>Announcer: And Stripe is still knocked out cold.
>
>Stripe: What are you going to do about it?
S: (Announcer) Well... seeing as it has no effect on the story and you
can still speak - twice already in this scene - and do whatever you did
to get from Salt Lake City to this moving bus... I have no qualms in
doing jack all.
>
>Announcer: Well... *changes Stripe's name to Fruit Stripe*
C: Once again, DVGBC subtly fine-tunes the plot to keep it pointing
just where he wants it to go.
S: Huh? I didn't even notice, it was so slick.
>
>Meowthar: Hey, you can't do that.
>
>Zombie Jessie and Zombie James: *unmasks themselves, it's the REAL
>Team Rocket*
All: GASP! *faint*
>
>Rob64: So you are Team Rocket.
S: If there's a line in this fic that carries enough emotion to warrant
an exclamation mark, it was that one. Damn.
C: *disbelief* I've got used to bad dialogue in fanfics... but bad
actors?
>
>*the bus is screched to a halt*
B: (DVGBC's mom) *screeches* DeeeVeeeGeeeBeeeCeee! Stop! You forgot
your lunchbox...
>
>Golem: What now?
B: Oh, could it be, hmm, I don't know, a BUS STOP?
>
>Saph: Probably someone is in the way of the bus.
>
>Blastoise789: Or maybe a giant Mewtwo stopped the bus.
S: *sarcastic* Or maybe a giant Mewtwo was in the way of the bus.
B: Or maybe, etc. Get on with it!
>
>meowthar: Hey!
S: *sings* Hey! You! You! Get off of my cloud!
>
>Blastoise789: Sorry.
>
>*a yellow yoshi with red har named Cammi Luna enters the bus*
B: See? A bus stop! Geez, paranoia...
>
>Cammi Luna: Um, hi. Is this the bus to Las Vegas or San Francisco?
S: (OG Squad) Sorry, this bus is a prop in a weak fanfic. Members of
the public aren't allowed on.
B: This fic doesn't deserve any props.
>
>*at NGPM HQ*
>
>NGPM: Excellent, I have finally built a robot clone of
B: (NGPM) DVGBC! *exaggerated double take* *smashes DVGBC robot clone
to pieces with a hammer*
S: (NGPM) the first robot clone I built!
C: Now he'll never be lost for a conversation starter at robot clone
builder parties.
>World 4-2's webmaster Cammi Luna. Now I will turn her into
S: A handbag.
B: A tasty sandwich.
>a zombie.
S: Dr Evil would be proud.
B: I had to pop a cop in Oaktown because he wouldn't give me my props.
S: Haha, yeah. I love those movies.
B: What movies?
>
>(the real) Cammi Luna: Never will you turn me into a zombie, not even
>Kamek.
B: Uh... Kamek's a zombie? *emails SMBHQ's newsdesk*
S: Don't help THEM! That's where this fic was written!
>
>NGPM: Hahaha, you don't stand a chance.
>
>*back at the bus, it starts moving again*
C: (Blastoise789) Oh my! A giant Mewtwo must be pushing us!
>
>Meowthar: So what's you name again?
B: (Meowthar) Yo, I's talkin' choo.
>
>(the robot clone) Cammi Luna: My name is Cammi Luna.
S: I love the smell of pointless dialogue in the morning.
B: Hey, Meowthar! Cammi Luna! I might have needed that oxygen you guys
just wasted!
>
>Fruit Stripe: Why did I have to be named after a brand of gum?
B: Vuefire told me a joke about swallowing... Or rather not swallowing.
C: We don't want to hear.
>
>Rob64: So you can have special sticky powers which we don't have.
B: I'm so smart. I was already thinking he can lick himself and enjoy
the great taste.
S: Yeah... but wasn't that before his name got changed? Kidding...
>
>FruitStripe: I guess thats preety good.
>
>DVGBC: Look in the air! Is it Superman.
S: Is it a plane? No... it's... A BIRD!
>
>Golem: I hope not. His game was voted the wrost game of the year
>award. This story will be a big dissatar if he was in it
B: Might as well risk it, you've got nothing to lose. Desperate
situations call for desperate measures.
S: Desperate situations call for their mom and cry in the corner.
B: We're in a desperate situation ourselves. And I preferred my saying.
Pass me those mugs over there. *takes out his hip flask and pours
everyone desperate measures*
>
>Blastiose789: Its a bird! No its a Plane.
>
>Saph: And its Diddy!
>
>Diddy: *lands in front of the OG Squad*
S: (Bus driver) Gasp! What the? No time to stop!... Well then, I won't
bother. *drives on*
>My names Diddy al ah!
C: They only found that out through his dental records.
S: They had to play them backwards.
B: Yeah... 'It's gonna snow'...
>
>DVGBC: Diddy, can you send us to SanFrancisco?
B: (Diddy) Sure. Go to San Francisco. *flies off*
C: (Diddy) Right... my plan requires a lot of brown paper, some string,
and the most expensive stamp you've ever seen.
>
>Diddy: Thats why I'm here. The chief told me to
S: Make a weak cameo or die.
>send you.
>
>Rob64: Cool. The plane is much faster then a bus.
>
>Diddy: Theres only room for the O.G squad
B: (Diddy) to bring along five groupies each.
>.
>
>Golem: It looks like its good bye to Meowththar.
>
>Meowththar: I guess I will
S: (Meowthar) have to become one of your groupies.
>take the bus to San Fansicsco.
>
>DvGBC: That would be cool
>
>*the OG squad enters the plane*
>
>Diddy: Are your seat belts on
S: (Diddy) 'stun'?
B: (Rob64) I've set mine to 'kill'!
>?
>OG Squad: Yeah
>
>*the plane takes off*
>
>(robot clone) Cammie Luna- were the heck are they going? I got stop
>them some how. And destory the squad.
S: I don't think this Squad could become any more de-storied.
>
>Meowthar: Excuse me I was just listening to you.
>
>(robot clone) Cammi Luna: You heard nothing!
>
>Meowthar: I heard everything!
S: Why can't they just agree to disagree?
>
>(robot clone) Cammi Luna: Oh yeah you don't have evindence.
>
>Meowthar: The O.G squad will belive me when the hear the tape
>recorder.
S: Meowthar didn't actually record Cammi Luna's soliloquy, it just has
some neat subliminal messages. (Confident voice) You will trust
Meowthar without hesitation...
B: (Confident voice) You will give Meowthar a seat in Diddy's plane
next time...
>
>(robot clone) Cammi Luna: OH NO!
C: She became self-aware and realised she was in a bad fanfic.
>
>*back ar NGPM HQ*
>
>NGPM: What? So that silly chimp is taking the OG Squad to San
>Francisco. Now I will send my flying
S: Monkey bats to scrag them.
B: ICBM to destroy San Francisco.
>zombies to stop them.
>
>*the flying zombies head for Diddy plane*
>
>Cammi Luna: Ha, why are you so interested in killing the OG Squad?
S: Oh my... We're about to go deeper into NGPM's personality and
motivation. Will the script be able to keep up with this noble purpose?
>
>NGPM: Because they are trying to stop my zombies. *slaps Cammi Luna
>with a giant whale*
B: Well, there's your answer.
S: I give up...
>
>Announcer: *laughs* You stole that joke from Meowthar.
S: Why would anyone want to do that?
B: Maybe his writer wasn't able to come up with a new one this soon
after the last.
>
>NGPM: Really?
>
>Announcer: Yes.
S: He didn't even notice... He's a kleptomaniac.
>
>NGPM: Hahahahaha!
>
>Cammi Luna: That's not even funny
B: Period.
>when I'm tied up like this.
>
>Voice: Hold it
B: Wide open.
S: If he's talking about this fic... Beyond reading distance.
>right there NeoGeo Pokcet Master.
>*Tuxedo Ken (AKA PKMN Pervert Ken) appears*
All: What the hell?
>
>Cammi Luna: What am I supposed to say to this pervert?
>
>*a script falls on Cammi Luna*
S: I knew there'd been something left out of this fic! If Cammi shares
that script, maybe now it'll improve?
C: Uh, even the script will have been written by DVGBC.
S: Oh... good point.
>
>NPGM: Who the heck are you?
S: (Tuxedo Ken) *shakes NGPM's hand* I was meant to turn up for the
'pointless characters' scene on the plane earlier, but I overslept.
C: (Tuxedo Ken) I'm here now though, and ready to fight you the
traditional pointless character way: with no relation or lasting consequence
to the story!
>
>PKMN Pervert Ken: I am Tuxedo Ken.
>
>Cammi Luna: Shut up PKMN PERVERT Ken.
B: (Jerry Springer guest) You go girl!
S: I told you that script would help.
>
>*NGPM and Tuxedo Ken start fighting*
S: Um... of course.
>
>Announcer: This should take a while.
All: NOOOOO!!!!!
B: Wmmm... Nmmm... *gets into foetal position and starts whimpering*
S: Um, do you want my desperate measure? *passes him the mug*
>
>*back at Diddy's plane*
B: *recovering* Oh, it was just an excuse to switch locations. DVGBC
shouldn't torment us like that.
C: Maybe he thought we'd have lost our capacity for pain by now.
>
>Diddy: Whew! Thank goodness I had my peanut shooter!
S: *sings* Move dat, Diddy came strapped, shoulda knew dat...
>
>Golem: Onward! To the Rice-a-Roni Capitol!
>
>DVGBC: You mean San Fransisco.
B: (Golem) What's San Francisco?
S: What's Rice-a-Roni?
>
>Golem: Yeah...
>
>Saph: Hey, look! There's Capcom HQ!
B: (Saph) And over there... it's the sequel! And over there... it's
another sequel!
C: Et cetera.
>
>Rob64: Let's land and get in there!
S: (Diddy) Easy! I'll just use the Capcom HQ airstrip. Hey wait...
there is noaarrgghh! *comedy crash sound effects*
>
>Golem: Hey, I can see my long-lost aunts house from here! No wait,
>that's her garage.
>
>Blastoise789: Very funny.
S: That joke doesn't work on paper... For all we know he might have
just been looking at a garage.
B: Maybe it was Capcom HQ's or a sequel's garage.
S: Then it'd be called a 'spin-off'.
>
>Voice: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>Diddy Kong: What was that?
B: DVGBC recruiting for his next story? If that's how he makes offers
it would explain why he only gets these lame characters.
>
>Voice: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>Announcer: Stars? who would say that.
>
>*a rocket is being shot at Diddy's Plane*
>
>DVGBC: Ahhhhhhhh!
S: Doesn't he mean 'Arrgghhh'? The way it is, he sounds satisfied, or
even relieved.
B: I said there was room for the groupies, remember?
>We're going down.
B: Y-
S: *beats Bluefire into silence with a rolled up newspaper* Good
grief...
>
>*the plane starts falling*
>
>Golem; We need a miracle.
B: The A Team are better than the OG Squad. They wouldn't need a
miracle, just a shoebox, some chewing gum, and a couple of batteries. Then
they could build a makeshift bomb!
S: Um, which they would use to...?
>
*Superman grabs
B: His crotch, swaggers to the centre of the ring, and thrusts
repeatedly at the audience.
>the plane*
>
>Superman: Hang on.
B: (Superman) Hang on... aren't you guys the OG Squad? Eeugh! *he drops
the plane again and flies off to Lois Lane's house*
S: (Superman) Hang on... I think I've left the tap on. Back in a
tick... *the OG Squad plummet to their doom*
>
>Rob64: Aren't you that guy who starred in the world's worst game?
S: (Superman) Ha ha ha! My game got more hype from being the world's
worst than a whole load of great games put together! I'm the smartest guy
in the industry. *uses heat vision to burn several $10 bills*
>
>Superman: Huh? How dare you criticise my game?
S: (Rob64) *against stars and stripes backdrop* It's in the
constitution! *gets a medal*
B: Don't pretend you know what you're talking about S- Cargo...
>
>Saph: Uh...
>
>*Superman thrown the plane towards a very strange zombie*
S: (Very strange zombie) Oh, man... I'm just in the park playing
baseball with my human friends, and later I was gonna help a pretty human
girl in my class with her homework, and now someone throws a plane at me?
I should be able to live my unlife how I want! Who says I have to eat
people? Who says I have to slur my speech? *gets hit by plane*
C: What a very strange zombie.
>
>Zombie: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>Blastoise789: Great Rob64, he was out only hope.
B: Well, I wouldn't exactly say Rob64 was 'great'...
>
>Announcer: Well it looks like the OG Squad has been grounded.
S: I'm not surprised. Accepting lifts from strange monkeys, especially
in planes, is dangerous and irresponsible.
>But for how long?
>
>*at the bus to Las Vegas*
>
>Fruit Stripe: Meowthar, how do I get
B: (Fruit Stripe) hot chicks?
S: (Fruit Stripe) rid of the warts?
C: (Fruit Stripe) the hell out of this fic?
>my name back?
>
>Meowthar: I don't know. You tell me and I'll give you this.
C: A poke in the eye.
B: A cookie.
S: Ze microfeelm!
C: Uh... Where did that come from?
>*shows Fruit Stripe a Instant win game piece*
>
>(robot clone) Cammi Luna: Careful, it's poisoned.
All: ROBOT CLONE CAMMI LUNA? What the...?
B: Shouldn't they have tied her up, or deactivated her, or something by
now?
S: (Meowthar) I know she's an evil spy who's plotting against my
friends... but... what the heck, she might as well ride with us.
>
>Fruit Stripe: *smashes (robot clone) Cammi Luna with a hammer*
Quiet>you.
B: Uh, for all he knew it WAS poisoned...
S: (Fruit Stripe) Try to save my life, would you... take THAT! *smash*
And THAT! *thwack* And THAT! *bonk*
C: Hmm... onomatopoeia.
B: Can't you at least use the corner? Hehehe-argh!
S- Cargo and Cidal jump on Bluefire in revenge for the hideous gag.
>
>Meowthar: Well...
>
>*(robot clone) Cammi Luna explodes*
C: Psychologically scarring Meowthar and Fruit Stripe for life.
>
>Announcer: Congradulations, you destroyed the robot that NGPM created.
S: Just in time too. If they'd left it any longer, she might have had a
role in the plot.
B: (DVGBC) *shudders* Eurgh....
>
>*they arrive at Las Vegas*
B: *brightly* Now they can start the equally long trip to San
Francisco!
C: DON'T tease me like that...
>
>Announcer: *changes Fruit Stipe's name back*
C: Is that a typo, or a subtle comment about a popular rock singer?
S: *sighs* In this fic, did you really need to ask?
>
>Spripe: Yay!
All: 'Spripe'? *pause* *point and laugh* AHAHAHAHAHA!
S: I can't believe the announcer screwed up restoring his name. Oh
well... I suppose sometimes it's worse when announcers get it right.
B: (exact Pokémon Stadium announcer) There's a difference in the number
of remaining pokémon!
>
>Meowthar: Ohhkay... Here Ya go. *gives the instant win peice to
>Stripe*
S: Um, that wasn't the deal they made...
Cidal and Bluefire look at each other.
B: *to S- Cargo* You've been following the plot?
C: Have you any idea how dangerous that is?
S: What are you talking about? You guys aren't making sense. I'm out of
here. Explodes. *long pause* I didn't say that.
C: *shakes his head* He'll be OK, let's just hurry and finish.
>
>Stripe: YAY! Oh, I won! I won--Hmm... I can't read, will you read this
>for me?
>
>Meowthar: It says,
C: (Meowthar) you have won a poke in the eye.
B: (Meowthar) you have won a cookie.
S: (Meowthar) you have von zee microfeelm.
>"You have won $5." No fair! I wanted that!
>
>Stripe: Well it's mine now! Hey, where do I cash this in?
>
>Meowthar: McDonalds, but we have to go to San Francisco first.
S: There isn't a McDonalds in Las Vegas?
>
>*at NGPM HQ, NGPM has just captured Tuxedo Ken*
S: (NGPM) Alright! I can't wait to show this to Professor Oak!
C: Maybe he evolves into Ball Gown Ken.
B: Or Tuxedo Ryu.
>
>NGPM: WHAAAT! They just destroyed the Cammi Luna robot!!
>
>Tuxedo Ken: I'm not supposed to
B: (Tuxedo Ken) bend this way. Quit it!
S: (Tuxedo Ken) appear in fanfics when it's clear I'm just an in-joke
and haven't been included with any thought to the plot. Hey, wait a
minute...
>Be here 'explodes'
B: It's DVGBC's remix of that weak Oasis record.
>
>*the bus that Meowthar and Stripe were on explodes*
>
>Stripe: What was that sound?
S: Hmm, let's see, we're in an OG Squad story, oh, it, um... hm... No,
sorry, it's gone.
>
>Meowthar: Oh nothing.
B: (Meowthar) Bwahaha. *hides remote under jacket*
>
>*back with the OG Squad at Capcom HQ*
>
>Golem: I guess were not going to Las Vegas...
>
>Blastoise789: You're too young to get in anyway.
C: Something's wrong when a city has doormen...
>
>Golem: Oh yeah...
>
>Saph: Look! There's a Pay phone!
All: WTF?
S: Um... okay... and WHY exactly do they need a payphone?
B: They're gonna call DVGBC. (OG Squad) We need a plot contrivance,
ASAP!
C: By the way, what happened to Diddy?
S: Something interesting. DVGBC censored it.
C: How about Team Rocket?
S: Good grief... If we start chasing up all the loose ends, we'll be
here all day.
>
>DVGBC: But it's broken.
C: (DVGBC) Hmm... writer's block. Think, think... I've given myself a
city full of zombies to play with... there's an evil mastermind to track
down... I've got it! The fic needs a broken payphone!
>
>*at San Francisco International Airport*
>
>Tony Hawk: Where are those guys?
S: Why is Tony Hawk waiting so long for them? Come to think of it, how
was he even persuaded to star in a fic like this?
C: *sigh* So naive... (Tony Hawk) Where are those guys? I feel
uncomfortable with this suitcase full of money... If they've hurt her I'll etc.
>
>*back near Capcom HQ*
>
>Zombie: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>Rob64: Uh, guys.
S: (Rob64) I should probably mention... I haven't understood this story
since we crashed in Salt Lake City.
>I think we are in trouble.
>
>DVGBC: Plus we are in San Francisco.
>
>Announcer: That's true.
>
>Blastoise789: Look.
S: This dialogue is almost as bad as The Matrix's.
They all shudder.
>
>*they see a Egyptian-style building*
S: So, an average looking house or an office block then. I wish it had
been an Ancient Egyptian building, that would have been exciting!
B: Even then, the only Ancient Egyptian building I know is a pyramid.
C: I think he's trying to get us to picture the 'Egyptian' level in
Goldeneye.
B: (DVGBC) There's a real Egypt? I'm gonna go there!
C: (DVGBC) But first I'd better turn the radar off.
>
>Saph: We should go in and hide out until morning.
>
>Golem: Good idea.
B: Yeah, because zombies don't attack people in the morning.
C: Looking at the bigger picture... weren't they meant to be saving San
Francisco from a full-scale zombie invasion? Ah well, I'm sure that can
wait.
>
>*they go inside the building, which is actually the NGPM HQ*
C: So he set up his headquarters in the city he was invading with an
army of zombies?
S: (NGPM) *to zombie horde* Go, my pretties... tear San Francisco to
pieces! *pause* Wait a minute...
B: 'Army?''Horde?' Don't you both mean 'swarm'?
>
>Announcer: Um, guys.
>
>Rob64: Shut up Announcer. You have no impact to the story.
S: (Announcer) OK, you've done it now. Pointless characters... ATTACK!
*Hbomb, Y2KoRn, Mindstorm, Bubbles, Mewtwo, Megabyte, Jessie, James,
Tuxedo Ken, (robot clone) Cammi Luna, and Cammi Luna jump on the OG
Squad*
>
>NGPM: You again DVGBC.
>
>DVGBC: It's NGPM and he kidnapped Cammi Luna.
B: (DVGBC) Uh, for some reason.
>
>Cammi Luna: Hey you, help me out there.
>
>NGPM: So we meet again DVGBC. I will send a swarm a zombies at you
>guys.
All: YEAH! The swarm!
>
>*about 5067879123546 zombies appear behind NGPM*
C: Yes, it must have been about that many.
>
>NGPM: Crush them.
>
>*the zombies carge against the OG Squad*
>
>Golem: We're totally out numbered.
>
>DVGBC: I have a plan.
C: (DVGBC) *types* Zombie swarm: Uhhhhh... *explode*
>*throws Pokeball* Go Butterfree.
B: (NGPM) Oh yeah? *throws pokéball* Go Tuxedo Ken!
>
>Butterfree: Beeeee freeeeeee.
>
>DVGBC: Butterfree, use the Confusion.
S: Hm?
>
>Butterfree: Bree! *uses the psychic powers to confuse the zombies*
S: Hm? What's with all these unecessary 'the's?
C: Funny. Don't nitpick or I'll bite your the ass.
B: Shut the up. Hey, that almost sounded unprintable!
>
>NGPM: Dang those psychics.
S: *mutters* Dang those the psychics.
>
>*creates 3895691405698475189375173 zombies*
>
>OG Squad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
B: (OG Squad) Oh no! With that many zombies we'll have to use...
SEVERAL pokémon!
>
>DVGBC: Butterfree needs help.
B: Wimp! It's only been in the fic for a minute. But yeah, I'm going to
need counselling after this MST too.
>*throws 2 Pokeballs* Zubat and Pikachu, knock those zombies dead.
S: In this season's hottest pokéfashions.
>
>Pikachu: Pika!
>
>Zubat: *flies around*
>
>DVGBC: Butterfree, Pikachu, and Zubat, combine your powers and destroy
>those zombies.
C: Of course.
B: 3 pokémon against 3895691405698475189375173 zombies. Get on with it!
Wusses!
>
>*Butterfree does confusion, Pikachu does thundershock, Zubat uses
>Leech Life*
>
>Zombie: What... that???
S: Three question marks? Good work DVGBC, a reanimated cadaver has now
expressed the most emotion of any character in this fic.
>
>*the powers combine and wipe clean of every single zombie in the room
S: Hey! Necromancers! Tired of the stench of the grave? Reek of
putrefaction won't go away no matter how hard you scrub? Then try our new wipe
clean zombies!
>including NGPM*
B: Uh... NGPM's a zombie?
>
>Cammi Luna: You did it OG Squad.
C: Can it be... *whispers* over?
They all stand.
>
>*Rob64 unties Cammi Luna while everyone else celebrates*
>
>Golem: Let's get out of here.
All: YEAH!
>
>Voice: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>OG Squad: Not him again.
The fic screen shrinks momentarily before the MSTers' withering stares.
They sit down again heavily.
>
>*on the bus to San Francisco*
>
>Stripe: *sings Are we there yet?*
>
>Annoncer: Only 562715684618074 miles to San Francisco.
C: And I have a feeling we're going to hear about every single one.
>
>*Meowthar and Stripe fall
S: In love. That would make a nice ending to this fic.
C: I'm not convinced there IS an ending to this fic...
>over in stupidity*
>
>Announcer: *sigh*
>
>Meowthar: I'm hot in here turn on the air conditioning.
>
>Bus Driver: What is this air conditiong you speak of? besides we
don't>need that when we have windows
B: (Bus Driver) The windows don't open, but, still...
>
>Meowthar and Stripe: AAAAAAA!!!!!
S: They're over-reacting a little...
B: It could happen to anyone, watch. 'There's still a couple of
paragraphs left of this fic.'
S: AAAAAAA!!!!!
>
>Stripes: I've got an idea, lets stop over there and steal a limo.
>
>Meowthar: It's better than this stupid bus
C: What a defence. The courts won't be able to lay a finger on her.
>
>Driver: OK I'll drive just like I am now!
S: So, that would be crashing into people and taking the longest route
imaginable?
>
>*they got off the bus and found a robot guarding the limo*
>
>Meowthar: Oh look, a robot! Mr. Robot please let us have the limo.
>
>Robot: No! I shall now kill you and be my slaves.
All: AHAHAHAHAHA!
S: (Robot) Ah, free of human interference at last. Now I can devote my
life to punishing menial labour in the service of... myself.
C: Hmm... Just let the readers come up with their own mental pictures.
Some of the humour comes from the immediacy.
B: 'Being his own slaves'? I think it's slang for masturbation.
C: Uh, better cancel those mental pictures...
>
>*Meowthar spits on the robot*
>
>Robot: No spit on the great robot.
S: (Robot) Oh, wait, yes there is, sorry.
>
>Stripe: You short ciructed it!! Cool!
>
>*the robot explodes and Meowthar, the bus driver, and Stripe take the
>limo to San Francisco*
B: (Meowthar) *bashful* Listen, 'cos it's your birthday, we all chipped
in, and... well.
S: (Limo) Aww... you guys... *hugs them*
C: Idiots.
>
>Bus driver: On the road again.
>
>*back in San Francisco, where the OG Squad face a very scary zombie*
C: It could have been worse. It might have been a swarm of very scary
zombies.
>
>Zombie: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
>
>*the OG Squad tried everything to stop the zombie, but no luck*
B: *blinks* That's all the description we get?
S: How are we meant to know what 'everything' is when only Golem and
Blastoise789 have used attacks in the story, and even then just one each?
What did DVGBC (he's a Game Boy Color) do, zap them with his infra red
port? Deafen them by turning up his volume?
C: (DVGBC) *finishes typing the line* *looks at screen* Ah... they can
fill in the gaps.
>
>Golem: *sees someone in the distance* Look over there its Superman on
>a skatebaord.
>
>DVGBC: Yeah right! Wait a minute Is that who I think it is.
B: Elvis.
>
>Rob64: It's Tony Hawk!
>
>Tony Hawk: There you are. *does a 360 jump over the zombie*
>
>Zombie: STARRRRRRRRRS!
>
>Tony Hawk: What stars? Its only
S: An OG Squad fic. The cast is just made up of SMBHQ dropouts and
pokémon impersonators.
>12:30 PM.
>
>Rob64: Thats the only word he says.
>
>Saph: Wow, he must be a
C: Moron.
S: Easy character to write.
C: In that case... (OG Squad) *long pause* BROTHER!
>Pokemon!
S: Ess. Cargo cargo ess ess, ess.
B: Heh. Fireblue! Blue, bluefire blue!
C: Uh, can Philip print those?
>
>*the Zombie picks up Rob64 and spins him around in 1 finger*
S: That zombie really must be scary if he's so mutated he can pick
something up with one finger.
>
>Rob64: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
>
>Golem: Tony Hawk, do some of your
C: Topical dinner speeches.
>skills on your skateboard.
All: (Dino Crisis) Congratulations, you've got mad skills!
>
>Tony Hawk: Okay, which move should I start off with?
B: Just buy him a drink, see where the conversation goes. Act natural,
be yourself.
S: (Zombie) Ughhh... these... shoes, are... nghhhh... killing, me...
>
>DVGBC: Try throwing your skateboard at the zombie.
S: Unbelievably... that's actually logical.
>
>Tony HawK: OK. *throws the skateboard at the zombie*
>
>Zombie: STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS! *dies*
S: Um, that's not very logical...
B: Who cares? I think it almost finished the fic!
>
>Golem: That was too easy.
C: One thing it couldn't have been was too soon.
>
>Saph: What the heck?
>
>Rob64: He must've been weakened by
B: Pity.
S: Their dialogue.
C: Powerful industrial chemicals.
>our attacks.
>
>*a Capcon rep appears*
>
>Capcom rep: Congradulations, you saved San Francisco. Here's a year's
>supply of Rice-a-Roni.
>
>Golem: Yay!
S: Dammit, what is this Rice-a-Roni stuff? Is it like Pot Noodle?
Cidal and Bluefire laugh at him.
>
>Blastoise789: That's it???
>
>Annoncer: Well, there is something else that the Capcom rep wants to
>give you.
C: A spell check program.
S: A big kiss.
B: Starring roles in Resident Ev... Nah.
>
>Capcom rep: That's right Announcer. Take this OG Squad. *hands them a
>Survival Badge*
S: If this fic had lasted any longer we wouldn't have qualified for
that...
>
>Announcer: Good night!
>The End
All: YEAH!
S: There's another song now... we'll let it be.
>
>Time for the OG Rap:
>Here in the HQ
>We feel safest of all
>We can listen to the briefing
>Of the annoying chief
>In the HQ
>
>Here on the trail
>We can only walk
>We can only talk Pokemon
>It keeps me bored for years
>In the HQ
>
>Here at the destinatiom
>The plot expands slowly
>Will we stop NeoGeo
>If we can only find a way
>In the HQ
>
>Here we did a mission
>We know we've done our best
>About getting a badge
>And all is well
>In the HQ
>
>We know we've done our best
>We know we've done our best
"Their best wasn't good enough." concluded Bluefire, snatching the
remote control and zapping the fanfic screen out of existence again.
"Well, it's over now." pointed out S- Cargo. "At last. Have we
forgotten anything?"
"A lot of MSTers like to advertise. Are you going to do that?" yawned
Cidal. They could hear the locks being opened on the basement door.
"What do I say?"
"Just endorse some things. Quick." said Cidal irritably.
"Okay... Um, read DMG Ice, at www.dmgice.com. Although you probably
already do... Post at the DMG Ice General board. To read more work by
DVGBC and the OG Squad, or see some other cool ongoing stories, go to the
Ongoing Story message board at SMBHQ (www.smbhq.com). Thanks to NeoVid
and e X ! l e for writing the first MST I read (read some of their MSTs
in The Oddish). Their work inspired me to keep going when I thought
this one wasn't funny."
Cidal's ears pricked up.
"The forcefield's been lifted. I'm out of here." The mystical wolf
stepped through the wall without a hitch this time.
The door at the top of the basement stairs swung open. Bluefire
instantly leapt from the couch and, with a quick nod to the human, sprinted
across the floor and up them.
"Hey, Bl- Argh! Gah! Getoffame!" came a voice from the hall. The sound
of the Blue Virus exacting a friendly revenge on assorted Spawn could
still be heard as Sephiroth walked down the stairs, waving a white flag
without much conviction.
"S- Cargo... we're sorry for what we did. Some of us. Kind of."
Jerry, clutching his newly bruised shin, pushed past Sephiroth,
elbowing the Mewtwo hard on his way.
"But anyway, it wasn't anything personal." the Yellow Virus quickly
added. "Philip will be mad if he thinks we've lost him a reader... so...
can we make it up to you somehow?"
Half an hour passed, and the Dawn Spawn waved from the doorway as S-
Cargo walked off down the drive, turning to wave back.
Soon he was out of sight.
"Uh, what exactly did you say to him, Vuefire?" Jerry asked. "Are you
sure we've solved that once and for all?"
"Of course." grinned Vuefire. "Now we just need to decide who tells
Philip his site has a new Unassailable Editorial Shogun."
Many thanks to DVGBC whose dare provoked me to do this. No offence is
meant to him or the other writers. I'm a fan!
This work copyright S- Cargo (Neil Kirkham), 2000.
The Dawn Spawn characters are Philip Wesley's. If he printed this then
I guess he gave me permission to use them... thanks Philip!
Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is the property of Best Brains, and
someday I hope to actually see an episode...
Write to my alter ego: neil.kirkham@lineone.net
Infect DMG ICE's Viral Speak with your opinion of my fics or MSTs if
you want their staff, me, and the rest of the world to hear it.
*explodes*
>Robot: No! I shall now kill you and be my slaves.