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(A collection of a dozen of favorite/infamous articles from The Original Oddish and the Oddish remakes. The Oddish was a satire news page.)
Senators demand funding for Red Ink. (First ran August 21, 1999)
Congress and the Senate have come to the agreement that this years "Video Media Report Card" will be a lot more "in-depth than last years". A congress member was quoted as saying: "In wake of that incident that people are sick of hearing about in Colorado; we have taken it upon ourselves to be your parents and crack down on stuff the simple plebians consider "fun". This year we are VERY disappointed in the Video Game industry and their self-imposed standards. So many horrible games have passed by as "entertainment" this year... it sickens me to see young kids minds warped and tainted by such violent/occultic/sadistically fun games. In fact.. we will be handing out so many grades this year that we ran out of our special $600 BIC pens." -ODD-
Pokémon cult leads to mass suicide. (First ran on August 24, 1999)
Two members of a California based cult refered to as "The Magikarp seeking enlightenment" have been found dead in their homes from apparently spending thirty-five hours straight inside an indoor pool practicing their "Special Rite" known as "SPLASH". "Splash is the way to recieve Nirvana"; stated an anomynous long time member of "The Magikarp seeking enlightenment". The California based cult is said to have at least 5 members. "We are saddened by the loss of our brothers earthly forms; but we know that they have now evolved from their Magikarp states and entered the destiny of the Gyarados. They are truly evolved souls." A similar incident has been reported with members of another California based cult called: "Metapod Gate"; where members covered themselves in cement to achieve their rite of passage known as "Harden". -ODD-
Young Teenage Boy buys Zelda. (First ran on August 24, 1999)
A teenager in Wal-Mart was seen purchasing Zelda. The store clerk, an ample young twenty-one year old female named Rachel, allowed this sixteen year old boy to purchase Zelda and did not even bat an eye over selling Zelda. In a press release, Zelda has been sold over 1,000,000 times since Zelda first became available to the public. Zelda has also been the top over night rental for the last three weeks. And many people claim to have beaten Zelda many times. At press time Zelda was unavailable for comment as Zelda had just been sold to a thirteen year old female. -ODD-
Miyamoto Sneezes. (First ran on September 16, 1999)
Shigeru Miyamoto -famed creator of Mario and the best damn rice cake cook this side of the industry- has reportedly sneezed while packing for the TGS. Leading industry analyists have yet to determine if this will have any relevancy to the actual show. -PAW-
Hasbro announces new Playskool set. (First ran on September 19, 1999)
"The new product entitled: 'My first Dungeons and Dragon' will be a HUGE success for Hasbro." Said a press release from the company. The "I'm a Dungeon Lord" set includes a small plastic dungeon with "real" decapitation doors, fun-loving orges, warlocks, dragons, banshees, harpies, wizards, and goblins in articulated detail. The "My first mini-demi-god" costume set is designed to make your child expand his/her horizons. Imagine the educational fun your children can have as they follow the mini-demi-god kit and put curses on their friends. A test family Mother had this to say: "My little Taylor loves the toys; he runs around the house yelling 'I am the mini-demi-god!' and 'I will scourge your putrid bones with my spell of flying fire ball scissors!' He carries the little plastic 'pentagrams of mini-cute-demon summoning' around everywhere! He took his 'mini-animal sacrifice kit' to Show and Tell at the preschool; it was so cute! He also wants to show off his 'mini-tarot cards' to all his friends in Sunday School. He's such a little dear and he's LEARNING too and that's important." The sets have begun full production for the Christmas season. -ODD-
Dolphin found dead. (First ran on September 23rd, 1999)
Police issued a statement today about the recent news that a "Dolphin" was found dead in California. "The Dolphin.. just laid there, not moving. No life in it whatsoever." Said a young man who wishes to not be identified; but has been noted as the one who found the Dolphin. "I was looking forward to seeing the Dolphin and I ran to where they were keeping it.. and it was dead." He continued. "I never got to play with the thing. I was so excited.. I was going to play with the Dolphin.. I could imagine all the wonderful games we would play.. the Dolphin and I. But.. now it's dead.I called 911 and told them that the Dolphin had died. At first they didn't believe me; but they came anyways." A docter who helped move the Dolphin to the hospital for an autopsy had this to say: "I can't believe that the Dolphin is dead! I heard it was so powerful, and graceful. But now, it's in that room and it's starting to smell. It's really not what I was expecting to happen." There has been a memorial service announced for the Dolphin and many famous people are scheduled to attend.-ODD-
Teenager shoots other teenagers. (First ran on October 31, 1999)
In an incident that will surely garner much attention in the media. A teenager in Warrensburg, Missouri -about several million miles from Columbine, Colorado- is said to have shot and killed three of his friends in a sadistic display of brutality. The youths were apparently playing some type of sick game they refered to as "Goldeneye" when the shooting deaths occured. "He just came up behind us with a shotgun... POW! POW! POW! And we died. Which kinda sucked." Said one of the victims. No charges have been filed yet in this case. We will have more on this case later on; when we have more on this case. -ODD-
Lockheed to change training policies. (First ran on November 23, 1999)
Lockheed has announced that they will start new flight training courses with special VR simulators that have been programmed to simulate actual flight situations. Lockheed had this to say. "It was time to upgrade our systems. After some tests; it was decided that previous flight instruction simulators may have been.. inaccurate." An unknown employee had this to say about the new systems. It's about time they let us use something other than Blast Corps for training." -ODD-
Anne Geddes arrested. (First ran on December 15,1999)
Anne Geddes, a famed photographer has been arrested today on charges of owning pictures of naked children. The pictures are of babies and toddlers; and some are dressed up in various "fantasy costumes". "The fact remains;" says one of the concerned neighborhood parents. "That that woman has been making photo albums of children, young children.. sometimes with exposed buttocks; and SELLING them. That's just sick. Plain sick." Another concerned parent voiced concern on the fact that Anne Geddes has even hired babies -from their parents- to pose in her photographs. "It's just freedom of expression, it's art." Said a representative for the ACLU. No charges have been pressed at this present time; but we expect to hear more about it at a later time. -ODD-
Giant Monsters Pray. (First ran on October 15, 2001)
After last monthes terrorists attacks in New York City, super monsters Gamara, Godzilla, King Kong, Mothra, Pulsagari, and many other giant monsters joined hands this last Sunday to discuss and share their feelings over the recent terrorist activity in New York. "I'm saddened and disappointed that all those tasty human beings are gone forever", said a distraught Orochi. "Damn it! I hadn't gotten to climb those towers yet!" Complained King Kong. "Damn Dirty Terrorists." A distraught Mothra was noted as "crying tears of powder into his beer" by Godzilla, a close friend and fellow giant monster. "It really isn't fair.", said Gamera, the spokesmonster for the group. "We work our giant asses off destroying these buildings while people flee in terror, and some little lazy jerks go and crash a plane into two towers and cause more panic. It's not fair." -ODD-
Atari still bankrupt. (Previously Unreleased - August 2002)
In a press release distributed by Infogrames over the weekend, it was determined that Atari is still bankrupt. "Given the recent events involving Enron, and the more recent bankruptcy of Vangaurd Airlines, it was determined that we should investigate this matter closely. Looking through our records has revealed that Atari is now only a logo with no viable funds to its name. Atari is still bankrupt." Stated the press release. Indeed it appears that all 0 of Atari's current employees will have to be laid off. "It's truly a tragic day for America when a company as dead as Atari can go bankrupt. Truly a shame." Stated Nolan Bushnell, who then proceeded to ask if we wanted to buy Sente stock. The repercussions of the event wafted against the walls of the Stock Market like cheap cologne. -ODD-
Nintendo reveals next Pokémon film (Previously Unreleased in the Oddish - August 14, 2001)
At a press conference in Kyoto, Nintendo has revealed plans for the next Pokémon animated production. "We have reevaluated the current storylines and are working toward a common goal. To make Pokémon appeal just as much to a wider audience as those fucking Yu Gi Oh cards." Stated Satoshi-san, the creator of Pokémon. "The new series will have an older Ash Ketchum. He is trying to get into Goldenrod University. (Home of Golden Squirtles) He fails miserably -as usual-; but his grandmother calls him to take care of her Pokémon Inn; which has -unbenownst to him- been converted into an all female dormitory. The inhabitants of the dorm have super powers, like the ability to fly, shock people with lightening, float through walls, or transform into Cute Schoolgirl Pokémon captors. I believe this will help increase the popularity of the franchise among teenagers." Satoshi-ko then went on to discuss the next Pokémon movie -entitled "Spirited Princess Mononokémon's Castle in the Sky Delivery Service"- and the upcoming adult Pokémon H-Manga "Bondage Clefairies". -ODD-