BACK TO THE INDEX.
-By Philip Wesley-
-Posted June 8, 2005-
-WARNING: CONTAINS FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT ADULT SUBJECT MATTER.-
The following article is for 18 years and older. It contains descriptions of an adult medium and some descriptions of terrible adult acts. Many of these adult acts are, well, kinky. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
The night opened up with seating, I was in the Press, Staff, Security, & VIP area again. I love that about A-Kon. I love that about E3 as well. Press usually does not have to wait in line, provided they do an article on what it is they are covering. Over all, this is a pretty good deal as both parties get promotion. I get to tell you how freaking cool A-Kon is, and they let me cover events from an unabridged perspective.
The first event of the night was a compilation music video by Mexican Jr. He has won the Hentai Music Video competitions four years in a row. This year, he gave the world a compilation music video. How very nice of him. It contained images from Wordsworth, Bible Black, Perfect Blue, Love Doll, Night Shift Nurses (Blearrgh), and others. Afterwards, they gave him a lifetime achievement award. That award was a huge plastic phallus, complete with scrotum. He was very thrilled to recieve it. Actually, he was a bit disturbed by the gift. Go figure. After he gave us "Tub Girl: The Animation" as a music video last year, I think he should have expected them to give him an embarassing award.
The first hentai they showed was part 3 of Living Sex Toy Delivery. Someone even brought a card board box to show their dedication to this show. Mainly because everyone wanted to see how it ended. To be honest, it is a bit hardcore and I do not really think watersports are sexy. Actually, I find watersports to be the exact opposite of sexy. Power plays, the light S&M, and the whole clever way of getting revenge was both exploitive and entertaining. Apparently, the reason they put this guy through all this torture was that the girl behind it is searching for a youth elixir in semenal fluids. Go figure. The best part was where the girl behind it all made one of the other girls bark like a dog. Ha ha! Or when she was riding the other girl around like a horse. "Good horsey!" So horrible. So funny. The best part is always how the hero humiliates the villans, and then leaves them in a cardboard box at their workplaces.. usually naked or in comprimising positions. Like Kill Bill with no death and a lot of sex. The dialogue was even better. After all the hype and chants of BOX BOX BOX, the ending did not disappoint.
They handed out some shirts and books to the audience. Actually, they threw them until one of the lights got knocked out: AGAIN. This one did not hurt anyone as the guy it almost hit, smacked it harmlessly away onto the floor. That was a slick move on his part. They had a bit of time to clean it up and people started making shadow puppets on the projector screen. What can I say? People are weird.
The next show was heavy on corporate plot and sexual politics. It was Lingerie, episodes 1 through 3. We saw the whole series. Fairly light stuff, some decently animated sex scenes combined with really good artwork. Although, the character design for the main character made me think of Trauma Center: Under the Knife. Oh, feedback from E3 amongst the crowd is that the PSP did poorly game wise and even G4 reflected this. Back to the porn. The plot was that the main character had to find a way to remove the vice president of a lingerie company from power. You see, the vp was commiting stock fraud as well as using sex to lure in clients in a terrible and degrading way. Our hero is both a good person and a bastard at the same time. He does save the company and stop the evil doers though. It was a story of greed, corruption, and sex. I think it was one of the better shows of the night. Oh, and using pens as masturbatory devices is pretty hilarious. See! Essential items.
The third show was Blood Royale. The premise is simple: Pirate guy is paid to torture two kidnapped princesses and turn them into sex slaves. He does this with an octopus, whips, chains, hot wax, scatalogical humiliation, water sports, and more. It was depraved, disgusting, and the artwork was bland. It really had that train wreck quality to it. It made me think of what one of my staff members does to his room-mates at least once a week. He goes to Somethingawful.com and yells: "Hey! Check this out!" They do and it ruins their lives. They keep falling for it though. The best part of the show was everyone yelling ARR! whenever the ship, or pieces of background were shown. YAY! That was really the only good thing of it. The worst part was where the pirate forced one of the other girls to eat the other girls umm.. I will not get into that. It almost made me lose my lunch. Well, the imagery was bad, but the SOUND EFFECTS were worse. No redeeming value to this show at all.
The final show was Sexfriend, episodes 1 & 2. This is the story of a nothing boy who is propositioned out of the blue by a girl named Hayase. This leads to adventures in sex with the girl who fantasizes about the main character in the library, the school nurse, and Hayase. The sheer amount of sex in this show is MIND NUMBING. Even more sex per minute than all the other shows combined. The characters look like they are straight out of Comic Party. There are some back door excursions, and appropriate times to sing "Mrs. Robinson" or the theme to "Three's Company." Needless to say, it had sex in lockers, bathroom stalls, changing rooms, the nurses office, theatres, a home enviroment, and more. The real plot was about the guy falling in love with Hayase and being a bit disappointed that she only likes him as a "sex friend." I think that the plot may have had a deeper meaning about how the idea of sexfriends is ultimately unfulfilling to the male character as he is the one who develops feelings for Hayase. Or maybe it is just a chance to see characters that look like they are in grade school bang each other. So, very wrong.
Needless to say, I went back to my hotel room, and took a shower. Not cold shower, mind you. I took a nice, scalding hot shower to sanitize the Hentai Fest away. That said, Sexfriend and Lingerie -to an extent- are what is refered to as couples hentai. The couple in front of me kept making out at random intervals and snuggling, it was mostly to avert their eyes during Blood Royale, or because they thought something was funny. They made out throughout the whole light incident, I swear. Public Displays of Affection are just.. well.. I'll be honest with you. They made a cute couple and sometimes, it was better for my mind to watch them make out instead of look up at Blood Royale. I was so damn jealous of them though. I guess it does not bother me when people display PDA as long as the couple is entertaining. That said, there was some guy giving out prizes or something to get people of the same gender to kiss each other out in the line for Hentai Fest. Maybe I have been desensitized, but seeing two girls or two guys kiss each other comes off as funny, not offensive or erotic. A lot of cultures greet each other that way. Maybe it's also because I've gotten so many hugs, and kisses on the cheek, and neck by girls who liked Squishy this A-Kon. Yes, I did get a few kisses on the lips. I just chock those up to being accidents. They probably meant to kiss me on the cheek and missed. o_O I guess a kiss doesn't mean anything without a proper feeling behind it. If there is nothing behind the kiss, it comes off as just a greeting or a thank you. Maybe that is why I was jealous of that couple: Because they had something behind their kisses.
And it just hit me like a bullet as I typed that: Sexfriends WAS about the futility of sex without meaning. The interesting thing is that the school nurse (A symbol of Planned Parenthood?) was encouraging the kids to experiment and play around in what ultimately became going through the motions. At the end of the show, the nurse walks away from the door feeling like she has accomplished something good. Hayase and the other girl are left confused, although jittery, and the main male character is left accepting going through the motions in exchange for the real affection and love he wanted. In the end, sex without love leads to pleasure, but at the cost of happiness. In plain English: Loveless sex is empty, and tragic. Yeah, was not expecting to find that deep a meaning in the Hentai Fest. Go figure.
On an even more interesting note: None of the shows shown portrayed sex in a love light. That is disappointing. In Living Sex Toy Delivery and Blood Royale: Sex is used to torture and humiliate. In Lingeries, it is used to aquire power and favors. In Sexfriend, sex is just THERE. This is definately a reflection of a truly liberal view of sex. While Sexfriend is a commentary on how the view of sex as nothing special leads to disappointment: The use of this commentary may be lost on the audience. The Japanese culture views sex differently than we do. In a way, I prefer the more conservative view of sex that we have here. It may seem restrained by other cultures, but it has an advantage: A conservative view on sex means that sex is allowed to be special still. When sex is allowed to be meaningful and special, it is more valuable than if it were just a common thing. Kinsey is bullshit, people. I prefer sex to mean something. Will I attend this thing next year? HELL YEAH! It was awful, and with no redeeming value: But it was funny and the ensuing conversations are worth having.
Article by Philip Wesley
Property of DMG Ice, dmgice.com, and the original author as expressed in the by-line.